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funny sayings 2009 12 20 about women

Cosmetics is a boon to every woman, but a girl's best friend is still a nearsighted man.

A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.

The soundtrack to 'Indecent Exposure' is a romantic mix of music that I know most women love to hear, so I never keep it far from me when women are nearby.

Women want to be treated as equals, not sequels

Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superm

funny sayings 2009 12 18 about women

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.

We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms."

The wo

funny sayings 2009 12 17

Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.

The harder I work the luckier I get.


Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few engage in it.


I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.


Working gets in the way of living.

Why is it men are permitted to be obsessed about their work, but w

funny sayings 2009 12 16

I don't know Laura Bush. But she seems to be calm, and she has a sparkle in her eye, which is good. But I don't know that she's ever had a real job - I mean, since she's been grown up.

I didn't have to work till I was three. But after that, I never stopped.

Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.

If hard wor

funny sayings 2009 12 15

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.

I make a lot of money, but I don't want to talk about that. I work very hard and I'm worth every cent.

A bum asked me "Give me $10 till payday." I asked "When's payday?" He said "I don't know, you're the one who is working!"

I wish my brother would learn

funny sayings 2009 12 13

I am a friend of the workingman, I would rather be his friend than be one.

The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

No project was ever completed on time and within budget.

People are always available for work in

funny sayings 2009 12 12

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Garbage Back.

Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, "Certainly, I can!" Then get busy and find out how to do it.

Business conventions are important because

funny sayings 2009 11 21

A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright.

That's the thing about Mother Nature, she really doesn't care what economic bracket you're in.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, "Get the hell off my property."


People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.


Live a

funny sayings 2009 10 28

If you're going to America, bring your own food.

You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience.

Don't shout for help at night. You might wake your neighbors.

He who limps is still walking.

I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.

funny sayings 2009 10 14

When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

The shortest distance between two points is always under con

funny sayings 2009 10 13

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils .


Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.


Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next da
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