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funny sayings 2009 11 27

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

I told my

funny sayings 2009 11 21

A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright.

That's the thing about Mother Nature, she really doesn't care what economic bracket you're in.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, "Get the hell off my property."


People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.


Live a

funny sayings 2009 10 14

When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

The shortest distance between two points is always under con

funny sayings 2009 10 13

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils .


Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.


Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next da

funny sayings 2009 10 12 part III

An alarm clock is a device that wakes you up just in time to go back to sleep.

Getting out of jury duty is easy.
The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.


Procrastination gives you something to look forward to.



I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Marriage is like PI - natural, irrational, and very important.

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