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funny myspace sayings 2010 06 09 p4


Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.

All you future Google Whores might want to pay attention to what I’m about to reveal.
John Chow

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemingway

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman



Due to lack of interest, tomorrow has

funny myspace sayings 2010 06 09 p5




Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one.
E. B. White

Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don’t have to do it?


I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield

I drink no more than a sponge.
Francis Rabelais



They who drink beer will think beer.
Washington Irving

funny sayings 2010 06 07 p1


A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.

Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell.


What's the difference between a whore and a congressman? A congressman makes more money.



My sole literary ambition is to write one good novel, then retire to my hut in the desert, assume the lotus position, compose my mind and senses, and sin

funny sayings 2010 06 07 p2



An empty man is full of himself.

Who needs astrology? The wise man gets by on fortune cookies.



The tragedy of modern war is that the young men die fighting each other - instead of their real enemies back home in the capitals.


Anarchism is founded on the observation that since few men are wise enough to rule themselves, even fewer are wise enough to rule others.

Taxation:

funny sayings 2010 06 07 p3



Mexico: where life is cheap, death is rich, and the buzzards are never unhappy.


When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

In the dog-eat-dog economy, the Doberman is boss.


Football is a game for trained apes. That, in fact, is what most of the players are--retarded gorillas wearing helmets and uniforms. The only thing more debased is the surrounding mob of d

funny sayings 2010 06 07 p4




It is not an easy thing to inflate a dog.


New Yorkers like to boast that if you can survive in New York, you can survive anywhere. But if you can survive anywhere, why live in New York?





If the end does not justify the means - what can?

You can't study the darkness by flooding it with light.



Belief in the supernatural reflects a failure of the imagination.

funny sayings 2010 06 07 p5



Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they'd be intolerable.


Democracy--rule by the people--sounds like a fine thing; we should try it sometime in America.



Power is always dangerous. Power attracts the worst and corrupts the best.


Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.

The missionaries go forth to Christianize the savage

funny facebook sayings 2010 06 05 p1



I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.


When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.


I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.


I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy. (Clown Prince of American H

funny facebook sayings 2010 06 05 p2




Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.


I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.



I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.


I took a speed reading course and read 'W

funny facebook sayings 2010 06 05 p3



What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?


I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.


As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.


Eighty percent of success is showing up.


Life doesn't

funny facebook sayings 2010 06 05 p4


I am an only child. I have one sister.


When the Academy called, I panicked. I thought they might want their Oscars back and the pawn shop has been out of business for awhile. (at the 2002 Oscars)


I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.


I think you should defend to the death their right to marc

funny facebook sayings 2010 06 05 p5



In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.


I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.



Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.


Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch.
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