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Search results for women,gun,computer,alcohol,god,kill

funny sayings 2012 01 19 about man_life_love_god

The following is a collection of funny man_life_love_god sayings which I enjoy a lot.
Hope you find them funny.



  • I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said, ‘No, Six should be enough.


  • Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.


  • To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first. And, wh

funny sayings 2012 01 05 about computer


The following is a collection of funny computer sayings which I enjoy a lot.
Hope you find them funny.




  • If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0 or version Beta.


  • A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.


  • Like car accidents, most hardware problems are due to driver error.


  • I would love to change th

funny sayings 2011 12 08 about alcohol


  • When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.


  • Don’t drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.



  • You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.



  • A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk.


  • Instead of warning pregnant wom

funny sayings 2011 11 17 about people,life,computer,earth,women


People have one thing in common, they're all different.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, w

funny sayings 2011 11 10 about money,life,women


When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.


A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it beg

funny sayings 2011 11 03 about alcohol,man,superman,pray,God,toothpaste


A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.


BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.


I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman!


When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.
Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.


Adam and Eve had an ideal marria

funny sayings 2011 10 21 about single,life,friend,alcohol,men,woman



Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.


I like being single. I’m always there when I need me.

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealing with men

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

It is good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling

funny sayings 2011 09 08 about family,love,computer,alphabet




The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy.


It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.

Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my computer ha

funny sayings 2011 07 21 about sex,kids,God,money,work


Sex is like air, it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.


Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.


Who are these kids and why are they calling me mom


In the beginning there was nothing. God said, “Let there be light!” And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better. — Ellen DeGeneres


Always take money from a

funny sayings 2011 06 20 about God,men,children,happiness



God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

We all basically go back to being children in the dentist's chair.

Those who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.

After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with $9,000,000, which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, de

funny sayings 2011 05 24 about god,man,vegetarian,life,sex

Be good – and if you can't be good, be careful.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.


You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

Okay, so God made man first, but doesn't ev

funny sayings 2011 03 30 about god, alcohol,kid

Beer – the reason I wake up every afternoon.

Raising a kid is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.

The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.

You can't have everything….where would you put it?

You never truly understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.

I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them


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