funny sayings

After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why the doctors wear masks in the operating room.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.


Software isn’t released, it’s allowed to escape.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.


In my house I’m the boss. My wife is just the dec

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?


If you can’t learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.


If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.

All generalizations are dangerous, even this one.


The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided.


Worry is like a rocking chair; it keeps you

Everybody lies. But it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

You have to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going because you might not get there.

Why is it when we talk to God we’re praying, but when God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic?

Build a man a fire and he’s warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he’s warm for the rest of his life.

Always remember you're unique. Just li

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils .


Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.


Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next da