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funny sheldon sayings Season 3 Episode 9 The Vengeance Formulation

Why are you such a stupidhead? That is also rhetorical. Sorry you had to hear that.

Biologically speaking, Howard is perfectly justified in seeking out the optimum mate for the propagation of his genetic line, and if that propagation is in the interest of humanity is, of course, an entirely different question.

I never admit defeat. However, on an unrelated topic, I’m never getting off

funny sheldon sayings Season 3 Episode 8 The Adhesive Duck Deficiency

You keep in mind that my sharply worded comments on Yelp.com recently took down a muffin store.

Mister Spock did not pilot the Enterprise. He was a Science officer. And I guarantee you if he ever saw the Enterprise’s check engine light blinking, he would pull the ship over immediately.

According to the inexplicably irritable nurse behind the desk, you’ll be seen after the man who clai

funny sheldon sayings Season 3 Episode 7 The Guitarist Amplification

You accidently stare at a helium-argon laser, lose one turn and a retina.

Stop it! Both of you! All this fighting. I might as well be back with my parents. "Damn it, George, I told you if you didn’t stop drinking I’d leave you!" "W’all I guess that makes you a liar cause I’m drunk as hell and you’re still here." "Stop yelling, you’re making Sheldon cry!" "I’ll tell you what’s making Sheldo

funny sheldon sayings Season 3 Episode 6 The Cornhusker Vortex

Actually, the risk of throat cutting is very low. On the other hand, severe string burn is a real and ever-present danger.

If you’re interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn’t chicken as if it were chicken.

I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas. There’s pro football, college football, high school football, pee wee football, in fact every form of football, e

funny sheldon sayings Season 3 Episode 5 The Creepy Candy Coating

Photographic is a misnomer. I have an eidetic memory as I’ve told you many times, most recently last year at lunch on the afternoon of May 7th. You had turkey and complained it was dry.

It might also interest you to know that Wil Wheaton currently ranks sixth on my All-Time Enemies list, between director Joel Schumacher, who nearly destroyed the Batman movie franchise, and Billy Sparks, who

funny sheldon sayings Season 3 Episode 4 The Pirate Solution

Yes, since their relationship became carnal,
Penny has upgraded his designated term of endearment,
thus distinguishing him from those she calls sweetie,
usually in an attempt to soften a thinly veiled insult.


Another reason to consider a life of piracy. Even today, I understand that’s an all-male profession.


There is a fine line between wrong and visionary. Unfortunately you

funny sheldon sayings Season 3 Episode 3 The Gothowitz Deviation

Penny, while I subscribe to the Many Worlds Theory,
which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes,
I assure you that in none of them am I dancing.


I can’t be impossible – I exist! I believe what you meant to say is – ‘I give up, he’s improbable’.


Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior. I wonder if

funny sheldon sayings Season 3 Episode 2 The Jiminy Conjecture

I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested.

Oh, ho, a clever, albeit obsolete, euphemism for insufficient blood flow to the male sex organ.

Well, I grew up with an older brother and a very contentious twin sister,
and I believe I can easily best you in any physical confrontation,
be it noogies, swirlies or the classic
Why Are You Hitting Yourself?

funny sheldon sayings Season 3, Episode 1 The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation

No, Mother, I cannot feel your church group praying for my safety. The fact that I’m home safe does not prove that it worked. That logic is post hoc propter loc….. No, I’m not sassing you in Eskimo talk.

Hello, Penny. I realize you’re currently at the mercy of your primitive biological urges, but as you have an entire lifetime of poor decisions ahead of you, may I interrupt this one?

You th

funny sheldon cooper sayings season 2 2010 03 15 p12

You know, I have to say I thought the toilet humor would get less funny with repetition. Apparently there is no law of diminishing comedic return when it comes to space poop.

For what it's worth, my mother says that when we deceive for personal gain, we make Jesus cry.

Perhaps you mean a different thing than I do when you say "science."

Must be an emergency. Everyone at the university kn

funny sheldon cooper sayings season 2 2010 03 15 p11

That's preposterous! I do not resemble C-3PO. Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered, I just don't see it.

What exactly does that expression mean, "friends with benefits"? Does he provide her with health insurance?

You know, I'm given to understand that there's an entire city in Nevada designed specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems. They can replace them with new problems

funny sheldon cooper sayings season 2 2010 03 15 p10

No, it's not going to be fine. Change is never fine. They say it is, but it's not.

I never met them. That's what made them perfect. There were no awkward hellos in the hall, there was no clickety-clacking of high-heeled shoes on hardwood floors. They may as well have been a family of cats, just jumping around from drape to drape. Without that annoying ammonia-urine smell.

Hold on, you hones


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