funny sayings

• To the being in the heaven that grants my wishes: When I'm complaining about being bored while driving through Kansas, do not answer my request for "something entertaining to see" with two cows getting it on in a field.
• Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
• All this news about Amanda Bynes is heartbreaking. I just hope she doesn't end up in court, becau

• I once gave a girl a bloody fake ear in a Tiffany jewlery box with a letter that said, "will you Gogh to prom with me". Yeah, I guess I'm a romantic.
• Just got shot twice, and by someone I thought I could trust. You never expect a nurse to do that to you.
• The key to a long relationship: keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
• Women don't want to

• A chemistry lab is like a big party, some drop acid , others drop the base.
• Google to Maps, is like NASA to space. Apple was like North Korea trying to launch a rocket and getting excited beause it barely made it.
• Love means never having to say anything because you are both looking at your smart phone.
• Christmas, it is time for children to learn a va

• My new favourite thing to do when I pull up at lights is to see if the person next to me is looking down at their phone. If they are I wait a bit then slowly edge forward like I was about to take off. I haven't cause an accident yet, but I'm getting better.
• Coffee keeps me going until it's acceptable to drink wine.
• Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words wi

• Do you believe in love at first sight? Or do I have to walk by again???
• Don’t try to understand a girl completely. If you do, then either you will go mad… or you will start loving her..
• Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.
• I just want to be with you twice: now and forever

• If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
• A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
• Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
• When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his bus.
• Did

The following is a collection of funny man_life_love_god sayings which I enjoy a lot. Hope you find them funny.

• I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said, ‘No, Six should be enough.
• Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first. And, wh

If life gives you lemons, stick them down your shirt and make your boobs look bigger.

The last time I took advice, it only worked because I changed it.

If a man tells a woman she’s beautiful she’ll overlook most of his other lies.


I don’t mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch!


How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re o

The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy.


It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.

Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my computer ha

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

I won't hesitate for a moment to avoid answering!

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.


When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.

I

For life, with all its yields of joy and woe Is just a chance o' the prize of learning love.


Love concedes in a moment what we can hardly attain by effort after years of toil.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.


Treasure each other in the recognition that we do not know how long we shall have each other.


And think not you can guide the course of love. Fo

Gather the rose of love whilst yet is time.


True love is the ripe fruit of a lifetime.

Life is a flower of which love is the honey.
Vistor Hugo

It is not night when I do see your face.

Love not only occupies the higher lobes of the brain, but crowds out the lower to make room for its expansion.


The last of your kisses was ever the sweetest; the last smile the brightest; the