funny sayings

Beer – the reason I wake up every afternoon.

Raising a kid is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.

The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.

You can't have everything….where would you put it?

You never truly understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.

I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them

Becoming old and old, First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.


Home, sweet home' must surely have been written by a bachelor.
Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.