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Search results for funny sayings

funny god sayings 2010 11 29

Roses are red; violets are blue; God made me pretty; what happened to you?

Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.

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God will forgive me. That’s his job, after all.

Better to be forgotten than sued.

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If its not broken fix it till it is.

The future isn’t wha

funny sayings 2010 11 09


* WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

* "A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be." —Unknown


* Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now!


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* Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.

* Save water – take a bath with your neighbor’s daughter.


*

funny sayings 2010 07 12

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. ~Elayne Boosler


The most important thing is not to stop questioning. - Albert Einstein

Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others. -----Confucius

You are a ti

funny sayings 2010 05 09 p1


I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

Tis not knowing much, but what is useful, that makes a wise man.

Since I gave up hope, I feel much better.

When people agree with me I always

funny sayings about being yourself

Originality is... a by-product of sincerity. ~Marianne Moore


Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble. ~Samuel Johnson

The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere. ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag. ~Author Unknown




All the knowledge I possess everyon

funny sayings 2009 10 06 part I

Middle age is showing your age around your middle.


Life has more questions than answers.


Old taxes never die - they just change their names.


Birthdays are nice to have, but too many of them can kill you.

funny sayings 2009 09 28 part II

A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

funny sayings 2009 09 28 part I

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.



Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody tr

funny sayings 2009 09 25 part I

NBC - no body cares.

My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.

Kid to his Dad as they watch TV: "Dad, tell me again how when you were my age you had to walk all the way across the room to change a channel."

On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a wi

funny sayings 2009 09 19

When I can't sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.


I'm trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

A good novel tells us the truth about it's hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its

funny sayings 2009 09 18

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.

There are only two things a child will share willingly -- communicable diseases and his mother's age.

funny sayings 2009 09 16

We have a lot of kids who don't know what works means. They think work is a four-letter word.

Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished.

I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'.

The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.


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