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Search results for funny, sayings, saying, quotes

funny sayings 2010 top 50

1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.


4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the

funny sayings 2009 10 12 part III

An alarm clock is a device that wakes you up just in time to go back to sleep.

Getting out of jury duty is easy.
The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.


Procrastination gives you something to look forward to.



I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Marriage is like PI - natural, irrational, and very important.

funny sayings 2009 10 12 part II

A gas station is a place where you sometimes fill the car, but more often drain the kids.


Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink.

I want a man who's kind and understanding.
Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?


Do you know why they call it 'PMS'?
Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.



Always drink upstream from the herd.

funny sayings 2009 10 12 part I

A poor man's joke is always NOT funny, while a rich man's joke is always funny.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

I am not sleeping. I'm just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids.


The most dangerous position in which to sleep is with your feet on your office desk.


You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try.

funny sayings 2009 10 10 part III

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.


The goal of life is living in agreement with nature.


Life is a fatal complaint, and an eminently contagious one.


Life is a long lesson in humility.



Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

funny sayings 2009 10 10 part II

Football doesn't build character, it reveals character!


If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.


God, as some cynic has said, is always on the side which has the best football coach.


You need to play with supreme confidence, or else you'll lose again, and then losing becomes a habit.

funny sayings 2009 10 10 part I

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.


Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.


What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.


Work is the curse of the drinking classes.


Never give a sucker an even break.

funny sayings 2009 10 08 part III

I speak two languages, Body and English.


Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.


Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.


“A line is a dot that went for a walk. "

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

funny sayings 2009 10 08 part II

Bro is like bras: close to your heart and there for support.


Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.


I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.


I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

funny sayings 2009 10 08 part I

I just broke up with someone and she said to me "You'll never find anyone like me again!"
I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."



I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.



Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.


“Dogs have

funny sayings 2009 10 06 part III

Something about an old-fashioned Christmas is hard to forget.


I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month.

Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.


Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.

Christmas is the keeping-place for memories of our innocence.

funny sayings 2009 10 06 part II

Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.



Today is Valentine's Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion day.


Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.


Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

To let a fool kiss you is stupid, To let


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