funny sayings

“I tried to cut myself last night to Joy Division with my toothbrush. I was sitting there trying to peel away as many layers of skin as I could but I couldn’t make a serious dent in my arm. I kept doing it for half an hour. My mother actually thought I was brushing my teeth for that long!”


“I want to die but I can’t think of a way to end it all that involves cotton wool. I’m terrified of b

“Mother suspects that I’m a gayer. She stormed into the room with your dress that I had borrowed last night. I think she found it on the stairs, which is where I left it after coming home drunk earlier.”


“Bill Hicks………how adorable! There’s just something about him that reminds me of a chipmunk. I’d love to feed him a bit of wood and stroke his wig. What do you mean he’s dead?”


“I trie

It’s quite ironic that in life, the person that brings out the best in you and the one that makes you strong is actually your weakness..

“What’s the point in eating when you just end up crapping it all out anyway?”


“Sometimes I want to break out of his vacuum but I just can’t. The space demons keep calling me back into the void. I feel comfortable there!”


“Can you give me a reason

I hurt myself, so I can feel alive.


“I think I’m dying Evelyn. I can hear the vampire bats of death flapping away in my head like an insane drill of doom”


“I’ve never felt I’ve been valued by anyone. I’m just a waste of space that everyone ignores, like a ghost without a home.”


Your coment cheered me up.


“Life is worthless. Would you please leave me Evelyn so that I can end

I wish my lawn mower was emo so it would cut itself.

Here we are! A compilation of some of Dan’s best emoisms from the past week.


“There is such beauty in despair Evelyn, don’t you think?”

“I’m tired of being made the scapegoat in life. I feel like I’m being persecuted at every possible moment. Even if a kitty comes up to me I’m suspicious of it’s motives. I know it’s just there to m