funny sayings

Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog.

Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.

I was so shocked when I was born that I didn’t talk for a year and half!

The chance of a piece of bread falling the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.


I’d buy you a drink, but i’d be jealous of the straw.


What do you do w

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

I won't hesitate for a moment to avoid answering!

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.


When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.

I

What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog. ~Dwight D. Eisenhower

I bought a dog the other day...I named him Stay. It's fun to call him...'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!' He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd. ~Steven Wright


Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. ~Co

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.





The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look whether they see a moth or an ax-murderer.



A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue.




Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wan

The cat has nine lives: three for playing, three for straying, three for staying.

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

The dog was created especially for children. He is the God of frolic.


Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. They have never forgotten this.


Time spent with cats is never wasted.

The cat lives alone, has no need of society, obeys only when she pleases, pretends to sleep that she may see more clearly, and scratches everything on which she can lay her paw.

Cats are connoisseurs of comfort.

The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself, too.

A house is not a home

A cat pent up becomes a lion.

Cats always know whether people like or dislike them. They do not always care enough to do anything about it.


The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.


A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.


A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal

Money will buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.

When my cats aren’t happy, I’m not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they’re just sitting there thinking up ways to get even.

Cats don’t like change without their consent.


Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

In the beginning, God created man, b

Ever consider what dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul — chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!

Cats have it all - admiration, an endless sleep, and company only when they want it.


One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you’re feeling blue is that he doesn’t try to find out why.

T

10 Reasons Your Dog's hair cut costs more than yours


10. Your hairdresser doesn't wash and clean your rear end.

9. You don't go for 8 weeks without washing or brushing your hair.

8. Your hairdresser doesn't have to give you a sanitary trim.

7. Your hairdresser doesn't have to clean your ears.

6. Your hairdresser doesn't have to clean boogies from your eyes.

5. You sit still fo

A cat is like a recipe - you always think it's yours.

A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

I have a great dog. She's half Lab, half pit bull. A good combination. Sure,

Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.

Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.

One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool.

To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've done it a thousand times.