funny sayings

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn’t pay..so if you keep reading, you’ll go broke.



To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.



Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it tell

If you think things can’t get worse it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didnt work that way…so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness.

Anyone who uses the phrase “easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried taking candy from a baby.

It’s good to be clever, but not to show it.

God is clever

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?


How clever you are, my dear! You never mean a single word you say.
Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.

Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven’t sent one out.


A criminal is a

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.



A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.

A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it.




Clever men are good,

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.


My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions?

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.



Every rule ha

Clever people master life; the wise illuminate it and create fresh difficulties.

The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.

It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea.


A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…

The secret to creativity i