http://www.funnysayings.us Your Source for Social News and Networking Wed, 16 May 2012 18:41:12 -0700 en http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-math-sayings-2012-05-17/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-math-sayings-2012-05-17/ Wed, 16 May 2012 18:41:12 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-math-sayings-2012-05-17/

• Small minds discuss persons. Average minds discuss events. Great minds discuss ideas. Really great minds discuss mathematics.



• Relations between pure and applied mathematicians are based on trust and understanding. Namely, pure mathematicians do not trust applied mathematicians, and applied mathematicians do not understand pure mathematicians.



• Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.



• A topologist is a person who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.



• Obvious is the most dangerous word in mathematics.



• Arithmetic is numbers you squeeze from your head to your hand to your pencil to your paper till you get the answer.



• The essence of mathematics is not to make simple things complicated, but to make complicated things simple.



• Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.



• If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is.



• Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.



• In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.



• A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine.

Hope you find them funny.
If you have your own funny math sayings , comment it below.


1 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-computer-sayings-2012-05-10/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-computer-sayings-2012-05-10/ Wed, 09 May 2012 19:20:38 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-computer-sayings-2012-05-10/

• Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity.



• Like car accidents, most hardware problems are due to driver error.



• Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code.



• "See daddy ? All the keys are in alphabetical order now."



• My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.



• The only problem with troubleshooting is that sometimes trouble shoots back.



• Crap... Someone knocked over my recycle bin... There's icons all over my desktop..



• Unix is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are.



• There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.



• If at first you don't succeed; call it version beta.



• If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.



• Computer language design is just like a stroll in the park. Jurassic Park, that is.

Hope you find them funny.
If you have your own funny computer sayings , comment it below.


3 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sex-sayings-2012-05-03/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sex-sayings-2012-05-03/ Wed, 02 May 2012 19:24:47 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sex-sayings-2012-05-03/

• Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.



• Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.



• My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.



• Sex... the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.




• If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public.



• Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?




• My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.



• Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure.



• Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.



• When I came here, I couldn't speak a word of English, but my sex life was perfect. Now my English is perfect but my sex life is rubbish.

End of funny sex sayings 2012 05 03 . Hope you find them entertaining.


7 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-04-26/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-04-26/ Wed, 25 Apr 2012 20:08:52 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-04-26/

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his bus.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes.

You can't leave footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to leave buttprints in the sands of time?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look.

End of funny sayings 2012 04 26 . Hope you find them entertaining.


18 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-book-sayings-2012-04-19/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-book-sayings-2012-04-19/ Wed, 18 Apr 2012 23:00:08 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-book-sayings-2012-04-19/

• Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.



• Never lend books, for no one ever returns them. The only books I have in my library are books that other folks have leant me.



• I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.



• The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.



• Knowledge is free at the library, just bring your own container.



• Never judge a book by its movie.



• This paperback is very interesting, but I find it will never replace a hardcover book -- it makes a very poor doorstop.



• "This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two."



• "This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."



• "From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend to read it."

End of funny book sayings 2012 04 19
Hope you find them funny.


19 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-about-work-2012-04-12/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-about-work-2012-04-12/ Wed, 11 Apr 2012 18:35:40 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-about-work-2012-04-12/

Accomplishing the impossible only means that the boss will add it to your regular duties.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss's job.

Employer: "I'm looking for a part time Girl-Friday. Are you interested?"
Applicant: "No, thanks. I'm all girl seven days a week!"

If we knew what we were doing it wouldn't be called research.

Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.

You can have it right or you can have it now, but you can't have it right now.

I always arrive late to work, but I make up for it by leaving early.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings--they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

When the bosses talk about improving productivity they are never talking about themselves.

Office manager to employees: Don't think of me as a boss. Think of me as a friend who is always right.

The world is full of willing people.
Some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.

End of funny sayings about work 2012 04 12.
Hope you like them.


23 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-april-fool-sayings-2012-04-01/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-april-fool-sayings-2012-04-01/ Fri, 06 Apr 2012 01:48:41 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-april-fool-sayings-2012-04-01/ Hope you find them funny.

• 
  You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.
  



• 
  Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
  



• 
  On 2012-03-31 if anyone praises you for your beauty, personality, style or attitude,
  Just kick him, How dare he fool you before April 1st?
  



• 
  When you feel lonely & can not see anyone around you,the world seems to be fading away, come along with me, and I will take you to an eye specialist.
  



• 
  I want you to be with me in a nice restaurant to have Candle Light Dinner & say those 3 sweet word to you.
  
  Pay The Bill !!!!
  




• 
  A study has proved that all fools use their THUMB while reading a SMS.
  Now its too late ! Don't try to change your finger!
  Catch another fool!
  




• 
  Hey you know, Which is the best day to propose a girl?
  1st April..
  You know why ?
  If she accepts then its your luck, otherwise just tell her April Fool.
  

20 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-medical-sayings-2012-03-29/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-medical-sayings-2012-03-29/ Thu, 29 Mar 2012 01:02:53 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-medical-sayings-2012-03-29/

If you trust Google more than your doctor then maybe it's time to switch doctors.

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold.

The doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August.

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

I think diabetes is affecting my eyesight. I have trouble seeing the consequences of poor food choices.

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

Nurse: 'Doctor, the man you've just treated collapsed on the front step. What should I do?'
Doctor: 'Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!'

End of funny medical sayings 2012 03 29

Do you find them amusing or entertaining?


20 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-spring-sayings-2012-03-22/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-spring-sayings-2012-03-22/ Wed, 21 Mar 2012 19:21:48 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-spring-sayings-2012-03-22/

In the spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"

One swallow does not make a spring, nor does one fine day.

The day the Lord created hope was probably the same day he created Spring.

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.

Winter is on my head, but eternal spring is in my heart.

The first day of spring is one thing, and the first spring day is another. The difference between them is sometimes as great as a month.

People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring.

Poor, dear, silly Spring, preparing her annual surprise!

Walk lightly in the spring; Mother Earth is pregnant.

End of funny spring sayings 2012 03 22

Do you find them amusing or entertaining?



23 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-facebook-status-2012-03-15/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-facebook-status-2012-03-15/ Wed, 14 Mar 2012 20:32:15 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-facebook-status-2012-03-15/

• Some relationships are like Tom & Jerry. They tease each other, knock down each other irritate each other but can't live without each other.



• The biggest lie I tell myself is... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."




• I wish real life was like the cartoons, I could wear the same thing every day, and nobody would give a crap.





• I haven't seen any statuses about Ninjas lately......well played Ninjas.




• Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, and Salads are $4.99



• Most relationships fail not because of absence of love; but because girls love too much & boys love too many.




• If I text a person in the same room as me, I stare at them till they get it.




• Think YOU'RE stressed? Think of what Jesus' last day was like......Now your day doesn't seem so bad, huh?




• Broccoli: "I look like a tree."
  Walnut: "I look like a brain."
  Mushroom: "I look like an umbrella."
  Banana: "Dude! Change the topic!"





• If there was NO Facebook- people would write in walls, poke each other and search people. thank God there's Facebook.




• Love has 4 letters, but so does Hate; Friends has 7 letters, but so does Enemies; Truth has 5 letters, but so does Lying.

End of funny facebook status 2012 03 15

Do you find them amusing or entertaining?





40 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-facebook-status-2012-03-08/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-facebook-status-2012-03-08/ Wed, 07 Mar 2012 22:33:37 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-facebook-status-2012-03-08/ The following is a collection of funny facebook status which I enjoy a lot.
Hope you find them funny.

• Life is not fair, but life is not fair for everyone... which actually makes it fair.



• You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.



• I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.




• I fell in love at first sight. I should have looked twice.



• If at first you do not succeed, then skydiving is not meant for you.



• If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down and used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don't hit me again officer...




• Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.




• I am proud of myself. I finished the puzzle in just 6 months while the box said 2 to 4 years.




• I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed.




• I'll be a billionaire once I'm done inventing this device that lets you punch people in the face over the Internet.



• Hi, Im Mr Right. Someone said you were looking for me.




• My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.




• Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.

End of funny facebook status 2012 03 08


37 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-facebook-status-2012-02-29/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-facebook-status-2012-02-29/ Wed, 29 Feb 2012 19:28:42 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-facebook-status-2012-02-29/

Cop: "When is your birthday?"
Drunk Teen: "September 25."
Cop: "What year?"
Drunk Teen: "Every year!"

It is really rude to talk while I'm interrupting.

"I wasn't that drunk!" "Dude, you asked your mom if she had kids.."

A recent study shows that 90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women...

I hate when people see me at the supermarket & they are like: "Hey what are you doing here?"..I'm like, "Oh you know, hunting elephants."

The awkward moment when your identical twin calls you ugly.

That awkward moment when your tattoo artist says "oops"

"Mom...I'm bored" "Ok, if you're so bored why don't you clean this..." "Never mind I found something to do.

You Know You're Drunk When you ask your girlfriend if she was single...

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

I turned my phone onto "Airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst Transformer Ever.

I sleep better naked...why can't the flight attendant understand this?

End of funny facebook status 2012 02 29

Do you find them amusing or entertaining?

Tell me what do you think or send me your personal collection of funny facebook status, so we can laugh together.


41 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-02-23-about-the-big-bang-theory/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-02-23-about-the-big-bang-theory/ Wed, 15 Feb 2012 22:00:09 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-02-23-about-the-big-bang-theory/ Hope you find them funny.

• 
  Amy: I find the notion of romantic love an unnecessary cultural construct that adds no value to human relationships.
  



• 
  Penny: Another night? I guess your could try... but deep inside your heart you'll know that laundry night is always Saturday night.
  Sheldon: Woman, you're playing with forces beyond your ken
  Penny: Yeah, well your Ken can kiss my Barbie.
  
  



• 
  Sheldon: We no longer live at 2311 Los Robles, we live at 311 Los Robles. *Holds up number 2 fixture*
  Leonard: You changed the address on the building? What about mail?
  Sheldon: No worries, I explained our predicament to our letter carrier. He was sympathetic, his exact words were "Got your back Jack. Bitches be crazy!"
  



• 
  Raj: I don't like bugs, okay? They freak me out.
  Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.
  



• 
  Raj: My religion teaches that if we suffer in this life we are rewarded in the next. Three months at the North Pole with Sheldon and I'm reborn as a well-hung billionaire with wings!
  
  

• 
  Wolowitz: I am a horny engineer, I never joke about math or sex.
  
  



• 
  Leonard: Howard, this is big science. You could be the engineer who builds the equipment that puts us on the cover of magazines.
  Howard: I could also be the engineer that builds the crossbow that kills Sheldon.
  
  



• 
  Wolowitz: Sex is never the way I dreamed it was going to be.
  Raj: Because in your dreams, you're a horse from the waist down.
  
  



• 
  Penny: So what do you say Sheldon, are we your X-men?
  Sheldon: No, the X-men were named for the X in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be, my C-men.
  
  



• 
  *Wolowitz checks his Caller ID*.
  Wolowitz: Ooh, looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight. (answers) Hey, baby...
  Penny: His right hand is calling him?
  
  

End of funny sayings 2012 02 23 about the big bang theory

Do you find them amusing or entertaining?
Tell me what do you think or send me your personal collection of funny big bang theory sayings, so we can laugh together.



32 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-02-16-about-the-big-bang-theory-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-02-16-about-the-big-bang-theory-/ Wed, 15 Feb 2012 20:55:42 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-02-16-about-the-big-bang-theory-/ Hope you find them funny.

• 
  Sheldon: The entrance to the dungeon is a moss covered door. You manage to open it only to find yourself face-to-face with a hideous, foul-smelling, moss-covered ogre. What do you do?
  Howard: I say, "Hey Ma, what's for dinner?"
  



• 
  Penny: Mrs Cooper? Hey, it's Penny. I think I broke your son. Hold on. (To Sheldon) Talk to your mother.
  Sheldon: (Crying) Mummy, I love you. Don't let Spock take me to the future!
  



• 
  Sheldon: I'm not insane, my mother had me tested!
  




• 
  Sheldon: Why are you crying?
  Penny: Because I'm stupid!
  Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.
  



• 
  Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Leonard? *knock knock knock* Leonard? *knock knock knock* Leonard?
  Leonard: *opens door* What Sheldon! What Sheldon! What Sheldon!
  Sheldon: Tell me what you see here. (Holding his laptop.)
  Leonard: The blunt instrument that will be the focus of my murder trial?
  

• 
  Sheldon: At my age do you know how I'm statistically most likely to die?
  Leonard: At the hands of your room mate?
  Sheldon: An accident.
  Leonard: That's how I'm going to make it look.
  



• 
  (Leonard, Sheldon, Raj, and Howard are all dressed as the Flash and they are deciding who will be what.)
  Leonard: I call Frodo!
  Sheldon, Raj, and Howard: (together) Damn!
  



• 
  *Howard is teaching Sheldon Chinese*.
  Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
  Sheldon: Why?
  Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.
  
  



• 
  Sheldon: I promised Penny.
  Leonard: Promised Penny what?
  Sheldon: I wouldn't tell you the secret. (pause) Shhhhh!!!!
  Leonard: What secret? Tell me the secret.
  Sheldon: Mom smokes in the car. Jesus is okay with it, but we can't tell dad.
  Leonard: Not that secret, the other secret.
  Sheldon: I'M BATMAN!!!! SHHHH!!!
  



• 
  Sheldon: I made tea.
  Leonard: I don't want tea.
  Sheldon: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.
  Leonard: Then why are you telling me?
  Sheldon: It's a conversation starter.
  Leonard: That's a lousy conversation starter.
  Sheldon: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.
  

End of funny sayings 2012 02 16 about the big bang theory

Do you find them amusing or entertaining?
Tell me what do you think or send me your personal collection of funny big bang theory sayings, so we can laugh together.

40 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-02-10-about-women-and-men/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-02-10-about-women-and-men/ Thu, 09 Feb 2012 20:46:04 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-02-10-about-women-and-men/
The following is a collection of funny women and men sayings which I enjoy a lot.
Hope you find them funny.

• The difference between genius and stupidity is: genius has its limits.



• Everything ends this way in France - everything. Weddings, christenings, duels, funerals, diplomatic affairs - everything is a pretext for a good dinner.



• My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.



• Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.



• There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.



• See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.



• Seven out of ten people suffer from hemorrhoids. Does this mean that the other three enjoy it?



• Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.



• Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.



• A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.



• Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.



• Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.



• Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.



• Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

End of funny sayings 2012 02 02 about women and men.

Do you find them amusing or entertaining?
Tell me what do you think or send me your personal collection of funny women and men sayings, so we can laugh together.


46 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-02-02-about-wine/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-02-02-about-wine/ Wed, 01 Feb 2012 18:40:21 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-02-02-about-wine/ Hope you find them funny.

• What is the definition of a good wine? It should start and end with a smile.



• What is better than to sit at the end of the day and drink wine with friends, or substitutes for friends!



• I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age.



• Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.



• Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.



• Wine is a turncoat; first a friend and then an enemy.



• Good wine is a good familiar creature if it be well used.



• Wine makes every meal an occasion, every table more elegant, every day more civilized.



• Appreciating old wine is like making love to a very old lady. It is possible. It can even be enjoyable. But it requires a bit of imagination.



• Where there is plenty of wine, sorrow and worry take wing.



• Beer is made by men, wine by God!



• If God forbade drinking, would he have made wine so good!



• If food is the body of good living, wine is its soul.



• The discovery of a wine is of greater moment than the discovery of a constellation. The universe is too full of stars.



• Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it.



• I have enjoyed great health at a great age because everyday since I can remember I have consumed a bottle of wine except when I have not felt well. Then I have consumed two bottles.

End of funny sayings 2012 02 02 about wine.

Do you find them amusing or entertaining?
Tell me what do you think or send me your personal collection of funny wine sayings, so we can laugh together.


38 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-01-19-about-man-life-love-god-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-01-19-about-man-life-love-god-/ Wed, 18 Jan 2012 22:38:03 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-01-19-about-man-life-love-god-/ Hope you find them funny.

• I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said ‘Are you going to help?' I said, ‘No, Six should be enough.



• Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.



• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first. And, whatever you hit, call it the target.



• You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.



• Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He`s a mile away and you've got his shoes!



• Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.



• Much can be achieved with a smile. Admittedly, much additional can be achieved with a smile and a gun.



• I always wanted to have someone, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life - I've changed my mind.



• I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didn't work that way…so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness.



• Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.



• Mirrors can't talk. Luckily for you, they can't laugh either!

End of funny sayings 2012 01 19 about man_life_love_god.

Do you find them amusing or entertaining?
Tell me what do you think or send me your personal collection of funny man_life_love_god sayings, so we can laugh together.


56 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-01-16-about-marriage-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-01-16-about-marriage-/ Sun, 15 Jan 2012 23:28:13 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-01-16-about-marriage-/ The following is a collection of funny marriage sayings which I enjoy a lot.
Hope you find them funny.

• Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.



• I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.




• Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.




• One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.



• Divorce: The past tense of marriage.




• Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.



• Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.



• Men should keep their eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.



• When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.



• Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.



• All marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.



• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.



• Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.



• Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.

End of funny sayings 2012 01 16 about marriage.

Do you find them amusing or entertaining?
Tell me what do you think or send me your personal collection of funny marriage sayings, so we can laugh together.


54 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-01-05-about-computer-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-01-05-about-computer-/ Wed, 04 Jan 2012 19:10:07 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2012-01-05-about-computer-/ The following is a collection of funny computer sayings which I enjoy a lot.
Hope you find them funny.

• If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0 or version Beta.



• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.



• Like car accidents, most hardware problems are due to driver error.



• I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.



• Unix is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are



• You know it's love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead.



• A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting.



• COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key.



• UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity



• Squash one bug, you'll see ten new bugs popping.



• Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don't let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months.



• WinErr 547: LPT1 not found... Using backup... PENCIL & PAPER.



• It's hardware that makes a machine fast. It's software that makes a fast machine slow.



• Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.



• Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code.

End of funny sayings 2012 01 05 about computer.

Do you find them amusing or entertaining?
Tell me what do you think or send me your personal collection of funny computer sayings, so we can laugh together.




50 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-12-29-about-law-and-lawyer/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-12-29-about-law-and-lawyer/ Wed, 28 Dec 2011 20:28:03 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-12-29-about-law-and-lawyer/ Hope you find them amusing and entertaining and funny~~

• There are three sorts of lawyers - able, unable and lamentable.




• Lawyers are men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers.




• Lawyers are always more ready to get a man into troubles than out of them.




• It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands.




• The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.





• When two dogs fight for a bone, and the third runs off with it, there's a lawyer among the dogs.




• A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.




• Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called "inbreeding," from which comes idiot children and more lawyers.





• Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off.




• Of course people are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers instead of their conscience be their guides.




• A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men with guns...

End of funny sayings 2011 12 29 about law and lawyer.


Happy New Year~~~ See you in 2012.

32 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-12-22-about-travel/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-12-22-about-travel/ Wed, 21 Dec 2011 19:00:59 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-12-22-about-travel/ Hope you find them funny.

• You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.



• The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.



• The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.




• I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move.



• A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.




• To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.



• If you look like your passport photo, you're too ill to travel.




• There is nothing safer than flying - it's crashing that is dangerous.



• I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.



• If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the airport.



• In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.



• A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it.

End of funny sayings 2011 12 22 about travel.

Do you find them amusing or entertaining?
Tell me what do you think or send me your personal collection of funny travel sayings, so we can laugh together.


39 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-for-facebook-status/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-for-facebook-status/ Wed, 14 Dec 2011 23:21:59 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-for-facebook-status/ Enjoy my collection of funny status and funny sayings for facebook.

• Did you know that 8 out of 3 people don't get fractions.



• I'm on a seafood diet: whenever I see food, I eat it!



• If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?



• 404 - No Funny facebook status found!



• If you want breakfast in bed, Then sleep in the kitchen!



• Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever



• I'm strong as a bull, brave as a lion, wise as an owl and good looking as... as... Well ME!



• I knew that something was wrong when my imaginary friends would not play with me.



• If you think you're alone and nobody notices you, try not paying your bills.



• I didn't say that it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you!



• How do you cut a sea in half? but using a sea-saw!



• I'm happy, don't ruin it by talking to me.



• People like you are the reason we have middle fingers.



• Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

65 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-12-08-about-alcohol/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-12-08-about-alcohol/ Thu, 08 Dec 2011 01:10:08 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-12-08-about-alcohol/

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk.

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck.

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off.

alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

59 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-12-01-about-kids-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-12-01-about-kids-/ Wed, 30 Nov 2011 20:46:04 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-12-01-about-kids-/

Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble.

I have just returned from a children's party. I'm one of the survivors.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

To be a successful father there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.

Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man.

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.

Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed.

What is a home without children? Quiet.

There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child.

End of funny sayings 2011 12 01 about kids. See you next week.

41 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-11-25-about-life-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-11-25-about-life-/ Fri, 25 Nov 2011 00:02:39 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-11-25-about-life-/

You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough.

Life isn't about how many breathes you take but about the moments that take your breathe away.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

God, if I can't have what I want, let me want what I have.

No guy is worth your tears & the one who is won't make you cry.

One out of four people is a chinese. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you.

My feelings for you are like the sea. " Wild and romantic ? " "No, they make me sick."

There are many paths you take in life. Some you can choose, some are chosen for you.

Live each moment as if it were your last, for the next could be.

Never waste a moment, it may be the last with someone you love.

End of funny sayings 2011 11 25 about life ~~ Happy Thanksgiving~~~


48 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-11-17-about-peoplelifecomputerearthwomen/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-11-17-about-peoplelifecomputerearthwomen/ Wed, 16 Nov 2011 19:37:50 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-11-17-about-peoplelifecomputerearthwomen/ People have one thing in common, they're all different.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.


Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

I want to walk through life instead of being dragged through it

There are two ways to rule a women and nobody knows them..


Always laugh when you can. It is cheapest medicine.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

End of funny sayings 2011 11 17 about people,life,computer,earth,women, see you next week.

55 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-11-10-about-moneylifewomen-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-11-10-about-moneylifewomen-/ Wed, 09 Nov 2011 23:20:37 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-11-10-about-moneylifewomen-/ When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.


A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.


If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.


If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.


Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.


It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money.



You can be young without money but you can't be old without it.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.


There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.


I'd like to live as a poor man with lots of money.

End of funny sayings 2011 11 10 about money,life,women. Hope it make you laugh.

Tomorrow will be 2011-11-11 , so many ones.

45 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-11-03-about-alcoholmansupermanpraygodtoothpaste-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-11-03-about-alcoholmansupermanpraygodtoothpaste-/ Thu, 03 Nov 2011 01:53:08 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-11-03-about-alcoholmansupermanpraygodtoothpaste-/ A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.


BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.


I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!


When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.
Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.


Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage.
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married,
and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.


Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.


I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.


The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back

If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.


I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.


End of funny sayings 2011 11 03 about alcohol,man,superman,pray,God,toothpaste,success, see you next week, and it will be 2011-11-11. -,- The day of single man.



54 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-10-27-about-bikewarcareerclockworkdeathfool-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-10-27-about-bikewarcareerclockworkdeathfool-/ Thu, 27 Oct 2011 00:38:37 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-10-27-about-bikewarcareerclockworkdeathfool-/ A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

No matter where you go - You're always there! And you're never there, because you're always here!


What do sheep count when they can't sleep?

When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.


Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him.

Worry is a misuse of the imagination.


End of funny sayings 2011 10 27 about bike,war,career,clock,work,death,fool, see you next Thursday.

58 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-10-21-about-singlelifefriendalcoholmenwoman-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-10-21-about-singlelifefriendalcoholmenwoman-/ Fri, 21 Oct 2011 01:35:27 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-10-21-about-singlelifefriendalcoholmenwoman-/
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.


I like being single. I'm always there when I need me.

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealing with men

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

It is good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling


If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over… (Seen Upside Down On A Jeep)

Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.


It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

You can't say civilization isn't advancing: in every war, they kill you in a new way.


Use caution- 70% of all people were created by accidents.


end of funny sayings 2011 10 21 about single,life,friends,alcohol,men,woman~~

==========================================================
Someone said today(2011-01-21) is the end of the world.... Let's see it.

50 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-10-13-about-lifepeoplefacebookworkwater-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-10-13-about-lifepeoplefacebookworkwater-/ Thu, 13 Oct 2011 01:29:57 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-10-13-about-lifepeoplefacebookworkwater-/
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.


People like you are the reason people like me take pills.

Facebook status: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO.

If the opposite of pro is con, then what must be the opposite of progress?


Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now!


Never test the depth of the water with both feet.


I intend to live forever - so far, so good.


You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.


What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo? Big holes all over Australia.


end of funny sayings 2011 10 13 about life,people,facebook,work,water.
See you next week.
Bye~~

46 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-09-30-about-lifesleepworrycarteenagerfooldrinksex-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-09-30-about-lifesleepworrycarteenagerfooldrinksex-/ Thu, 29 Sep 2011 19:03:43 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-09-30-about-lifesleepworrycarteenagerfooldrinksex-/ I drink to make other people interesting.

Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.


The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.


Always be sincere ……even when you don't mean it

Sleep: a completely inadequate substitute for caffeine.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.


I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

Worry is like a rocking chair; it keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere.


Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.


When someone points skyward, it's the fool that looks at the finger.


Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.


People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people.

end of funny sayings 2011 09 30 about life,sleep,worry,car,teenager,fool,drink,sex, and happy birthday to my son~~~

58 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-09-22-about-lifemanwomanworklove-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-09-22-about-lifemanwomanworklove-/ Wed, 21 Sep 2011 18:38:53 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-09-22-about-lifemanwomanworklove-/
If life gives you lemons, stick them down your shirt and make your boobs look bigger.

The last time I took advice, it only worked because I changed it.

If a man tells a woman she's beautiful she'll overlook most of his other lies.


I don't mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch!


How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.


There's only one kind of love that lasts. That's unrequited love. It stays with you forever.


Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?


A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.


end of funny sayings 2011 09 22 about life,man,woman,work,love, and see you next week.




69 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-09-16-about-sadnesssuccesslifecanada/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-09-16-about-sadnesssuccesslifecanada/ Thu, 15 Sep 2011 19:06:33 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-09-16-about-sadnesssuccesslifecanada/ When I am sad, I sing, and then the world is sad with me.

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

I swear to make no promises I cannot keep.

If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.

Acupuncture is pointless.

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Would a turtle without shell be called homeless or naked?

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?


Evening news is where they start by saying "Good Evening" and proceed by telling you why it's not.



If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.


End of funny sayings 2011 09 16 about sadness,success,life,Canada, see you next week.

63 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-09-08-about-familylovecomputeralphabet-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-09-08-about-familylovecomputeralphabet-/ Thu, 08 Sep 2011 00:18:08 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-09-08-about-familylovecomputeralphabet-/

The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy.


It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.

Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my computer hard disk?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.



end of funny sayings 2011 09 08 about family,love,computer,alphabet. See you next week.

73 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-09-01-about-doctorthinkingwifemoneylife-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-09-01-about-doctorthinkingwifemoneylife-/ Thu, 01 Sep 2011 22:48:11 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-09-01-about-doctorthinkingwifemoneylife-/ After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why the doctors wear masks in the operating room.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.


Software isn't released, it's allowed to escape.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.


In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker.


Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.


Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work.

It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.

I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.


I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

End of funny sayings 2011 09 01 about doctor,thinking,wife,money,life, see you next week.




83 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-08-25-about-bosschildrenmankindhomemouse-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-08-25-about-bosschildrenmankindhomemouse-/ Thu, 25 Aug 2011 00:24:31 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-08-25-about-bosschildrenmankindhomemouse-/ I became self employed and I still have a jerk for a boss.

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Home is a place where teenagers go to refuel.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

This will be a memorable month - no matter how hard you try to forget.

Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.

If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.



end of funny sayings 2011 08 25 about boss,children,mankind,home,mouse, see you guys next week.




76 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-08-18-about-lifeliesexpeopel-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-08-18-about-lifeliesexpeopel-/ Wed, 17 Aug 2011 22:31:31 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-08-18-about-lifeliesexpeopel-/ Everyone leaves the world a little better - some by leaving.

A perfect method of adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Life is an open door. It can be closed at any time, so don't complain about the draught.

My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely!!!

What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.

Half the people you know are below average.

Why does mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a ‘use by' date?

Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.

The one time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it's holding a parking ticket.


End of funny sayings 2011 08 18 about life,lie,sex,peopel, see you next week.



89 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-08-10-about-dogmoneyanimalpeople-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-08-10-about-dogmoneyanimalpeople-/ Tue, 09 Aug 2011 19:31:58 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-08-10-about-dogmoneyanimalpeople-/ Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog.

Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.

I was so shocked when I was born that I didn't talk for a year and half!

The chance of a piece of bread falling the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.


I'd buy you a drink, but i'd be jealous of the straw.


What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?


I come from family where gravy is considered a beverage. - Erma Bombeck


If you are willing to admit faults, you have one less fault to admit.

There are two types of people - those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.


If there's anything I can't stand, it's intolerance.


While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.


I wrote my friend a letter with a highlighting pen, but he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper.


If you think something small can't make a difference, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.



end of funny sayings 2011 08 10 about dog,money,animal,people, see you next week.


88 Vote(s) ]]> http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-07-28-about-friendsuccessskydivesmilemistake-/ http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-07-28-about-friendsuccessskydivesmilemistake-/ Thu, 28 Jul 2011 01:06:11 -0700 funnysayings funny sayings http://www.funnysayings.us/funny-sayings/funny-sayings-2011-07-28-about-friendsuccessskydivesmilemistake-/ When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.'


The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.


The road to success is usually under construction.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin


You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.


Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.


Carpenter's rule: cut to fit; beat into place.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.


Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.



If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.


end of funny sayings 2011 07 28 about friend,success,skydive,smile,mistake, see you next week. :))

92 Vote(s) ]]>