funnysayings.us » funny sayings

funny sayings 2010 06 18 p1



Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.

Certainty? In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.


Gray hair is God's graffiti.


Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.


You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly beans.


Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest professio

funny sayings 2010 06 18 p2



Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.


The absent are never without fault. Nor the present without excuse.

If a man empties his purse into his head, no man can take it away from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.


If you would know the value of money try to borrow some.


I am not the boss of my house. I don't know when I lost it. I don't know

funny sayings 2010 06 18 p3



Were it offered to my choice, I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its beginning, only asking the advantages authors have in a second edition to correct some faults in the first.


Here comes the orator with his flood of words and his drop of reason.



My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn't because parenting can be

funny sayings 2010 06 18 p4



Who had deceived thee so often as thyself?

Content makes poor men rich; discontentment makes rich men poor.


My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!


Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one

funny sayings 2010 06 18 p5



God heals and the doctor takes the fee.


Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.

He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.


As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what

funny myspace sayings 2010 06 09 p2


Death is nature’s way of saying, Your table’s ready.
Robin Williams Quotes

A quick word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said ”no”.
Woody Allen

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Robert Bloch

Don’t question GOD, as he may say, if you are so eager for answers, then please come up.
Anonymous

I don’t have

funny myspace sayings 2010 06 09 p3




When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don’t generate a lot of interest.


If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
Jack Handy

Here’s to being single – drinking doubles – and seeing triple!

A conclusion is the place where you ge

funny myspace sayings 2010 06 09 p4


Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.

All you future Google Whores might want to pay attention to what I’m about to reveal.
John Chow

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemingway

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman



Due to lack of interest, tomorrow has

funny myspace sayings 2010 06 09 p5




Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one.
E. B. White

Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don’t have to do it?


I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield

I drink no more than a sponge.
Francis Rabelais



They who drink beer will think beer.
Washington Irving

funny myspace sayings 2010 06 09 p1


Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.
Cher

Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.
Sen. Mary Anne Tebedo

One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
Nancy Astor

Drinking is an art, not a sport. You make it a sport, you’re dead in the water, you lose everything. It’ll kill you, I tell you.
Michael

funny sayings 2010 06 07 p1


A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.

Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell.


What's the difference between a whore and a congressman? A congressman makes more money.



My sole literary ambition is to write one good novel, then retire to my hut in the desert, assume the lotus position, compose my mind and senses, and sin

funny sayings 2010 06 07 p2



An empty man is full of himself.

Who needs astrology? The wise man gets by on fortune cookies.



The tragedy of modern war is that the young men die fighting each other - instead of their real enemies back home in the capitals.


Anarchism is founded on the observation that since few men are wise enough to rule themselves, even fewer are wise enough to rule others.

Taxation:


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