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funny cartoon sayings 2010 06 01 p6


The word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’
- Unknown

When all else fails. Follow instructions.



Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote c

funny sayings 2010 05 p1



There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.



"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.

funny sayings 2010 05 p2


Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.


There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side.

"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush





Everyone needs believe in someth

funny sayings 2010 05 p3


What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can't understand.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.


There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.


The road to success is always under construction.


I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places

funny sayings 2010 05 p4



How do you get a Kleenex to dance?
Put a little boogy in it!

All generalizations are false, including this one.




If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.


I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.


You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson


Constantly choosi

funny sayings 2010 05 p5



Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!

"Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757



Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge


I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. A. Whitney Brown

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.


When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- n

funny sayings 2010 05 p6



Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates



Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin


"Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway." - Joey Adams



Energizer Bunny arre

funny sayings 2010 05 p7



What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

This is a quantum car. I don't know where I am, but I'm going really fast.




Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.

If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.



I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!!


Worst exc

funny sayings 2010 05 p8



Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.

You know the speed of light;so what is the speed of dark ?


Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?



What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?


Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I though

funny sayings 2010 05 p9




Gene Police: You!! Out Of The Pool!

Your mama is so fat, when she sings, its over.



If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.


Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable. - Mrs. White, (Clue 1985)

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.


Behind every successful man is

funny sayings 2010 05 p10



Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.

Son, employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some you stand behind and kick them in the ass. The key to managemeant is knowing which mules are which.


If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?


I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - Geor

funny sayings 2010 05 p11


In God we trust; all others must pay cash.


He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor. - Paddy O'Dea



When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein



When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.


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