funnysayings.us » funny sayings

funny msn sayings 2010 06 03 p3



Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

I didn'

funny msn sayings 2010 06 03 p4



Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.



Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.


I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it f

funny msn sayings 2010 06 03 p5

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.



Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.




A diplomat is someone who can

funny msn sayings 2010 06 03 p6

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.


A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?


The main reason Santa is so joll

funny msn sayings 2010 06 03 p7


War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.



I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Knowledg

funny msn sayings 2010 06 03 p8


My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.


Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

I should've known it wa

funny msn sayings 2010 06 03 p9



Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.


If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...



A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.



I don't trust anythin

funny msn sayings 2010 06 03 p10



To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.




Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

I discovered I scream

funny cartoon sayings 2010 06 01 p1


A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.
- Buster Keaton

It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others.
- Unknown



You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word.

Buffet; A French word that means "get up and get it yourself.



As you get older three things happen. The first is your

funny cartoon sayings 2010 06 01 p3


Isn’t it funny howthe people who want quiet are always the loudest trying to get everyone else to shut up.
- Unknown

Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
- Unknown



I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.


The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.


That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same thing

funny cartoon sayings 2010 06 01 p4


Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk,
my first instinct is to laugh.
But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me.
Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny.
- Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts



You know you are getting old when you think you should drive the speed limit.

I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.




If ignorance is bliss, why aren't t

funny cartoon sayings 2010 06 01 p5


In order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.
- Unknown

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
- Unknown

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.


I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.


My act is very educational. I heard a man leavin


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