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funny sayings 2010 03 06 p10


All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought. ~Robert Brault,


I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. ~Fred Allen


Resolve is never stronger than in the morning after the night it was never weaker. ~From the movie Naked


Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean t

funny sayings 2010 03 06 p11

When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football. ~Author Unknown


The chicken came first - God would look silly sitting on an egg. ~Author Unknown


The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. ~Author Unknown



She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong. ~Mae West


If you cannot answer a man's ar

funny sayings 2010 03 06 p12


If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? ~Author Unknown


She was what we used to call a suicide blond - dyed by her own hand. ~Saul Bellow


It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. ~Mark Twain


Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are t

funny sayings 2010 03 06 p13


Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer. ~Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless



A great name for a new country song: If I'd Shot You Sooner, I'd Be Out of Jail by Now. ~Author Unknown

A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge. ~Robert Brault,


I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most peo

funny sayings 2010 03 06 p1

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. ~Fred Allen

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. ~John Kenneth Galbraith, Money: Whence It Came, Where It Went


Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only te

funny sayings 2010 03 06 p2

The large print giveth, but the small print taketh away. ~Tom Waits, Small Change


Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines. ~Attributed to both Jason Hutchison and John Benfield


After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women

funny sayings 2010 03 06 p3



A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. ~Attributed to Arthur McBride Bloch


A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't. ~Author Unknown



I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. ~Elayne Boosler


Anyb

funny sayings 2010 03 06 p4


If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me. ~Song title by Jimmy Buffet


Man was predestined to have free will. ~Hal Lee Luyah



The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. ~Douglas Adams


The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. ~Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes


Today is the last day of


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