funnysayings.us » funny sayings

funny sayings 2011 04 13 about dance, success, problem ,smoke, sex, stupid

If you are going to walk on thin ice you might as well dance.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs.

You don’t stand alone. I also stand alone!

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

The sex was so good even the neighbors had a ciga

funny sayings 2011 03 30 about god, alcohol,kid

Beer – the reason I wake up every afternoon.

Raising a kid is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.

The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.

You can't have everything….where would you put it?

You never truly understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.

I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them

funny sayings about man,life 2011 03 17


Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.


You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most, live the longest.


When life gives you lemons, squirt them in your enemy’s eyes!


Matrimony isn’t a word

funny sayings 2011 02 28 about people, car, spring, mouse,friend



People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people.

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush

Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

Better late than really late.

====funny sayings 2011 02 28 about people, car, spring, mouse,friend==


The early bird may get the worm

funny sayings 2011 02 22 about work,life,drink,idiot,lie,woman,men

Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.


It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen or oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caug

funny sayings 2011 02 16 about lie,english,life,psychics


There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.

Early to rise, and early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers


Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

funny sayings 2011 02 13 about fool,tomorrow,mother



Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.

If all the cars on the Earth were lined up bumper to bumper, some idiot would try to pass them.

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxi cabs or cutting hair.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing


N

funny sayings 2011 02 07 about man,god,Prozac


Man who walks thru airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok

If you think about it long enough, you’ll see that it’s obvious.

God made us brothers, but Prozac made us friends.

Why are they called buildings if they’ve already been built?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Be good; if you can’t be good, have fun.

A free society is one where it is safe to be

funny sayings 2011 02 10 about failure,sex,tax,drink

Now that Microsoft is so big, should it be called Macrosoft?

I like failure because it’s so easy to achieve!

Hey, you want to go out for pizza and some sex? What, you don’t like pizza?

I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

Never, ever make absolute, unconditional statements.

If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn’t get very far.

You’re not

funny sayings 2010 top 50

1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.


4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the

funny sayings about Palin,Somali,korea,WikiLeaks,Oprah

"On Glenn Beck’s radio show yesterday, Sarah Palin accidentally said, ‘We have to stand with our North Korean allies.’ Then Palin was like, ‘Wait. North Korea’s the one in the south, right?’" –Jimmy Fallon


"In a recent interview, Sarah Palin said we have to stand with ‘our North Korean allies.’ When told that North Korea is not our ally, Palin said, ‘Sorry, I meant East Korean allies.’" –Con

funny sayings about man , gun, death, smile, stupid

If oranges smell like chicken, why are tomatoes blue? Think about it!


The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it.


Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Guns don't kill people… but they make it real easy.


He's not dead… he's electroencephalographically challenged.



============funny sayings about man , gun, death, smile, stu


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