funnysayings.us » funny sayings

funny msn sayings 2010 05 05 p9


There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the house next door, and it was very similar.



I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.


I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I w

funny msn sayings 2010 05 05 p10


Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

The fastest way to meet new people is to pick up somebody else's change at a cocktail bar.

The Grand Old Duke of York
He had ten thousand men.
His case comes up next week.


With my wife I don't get no respect. I m

funny msn sayings 2010 05 05 p11


My understanding of women goes only as far as the pleasures.


Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.


The fastest way to make your own Anti-freeze is to hide her nightgown.

A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a trip back!

I know why Superman left Krypton. Earth was the only place he

funny msn sayings 2010 05 05 p12


I don't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs.


The shortest distance between two points is under construction.


Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.


USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

Men will confess to tr

funny msn sayings 2010 05 05 p13



Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.


My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.


Great Britain and the United States are nations separated by a common language.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

funny msn sayings 2010 05 05 p14


When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.


As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it.


My neighbor asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gn

funny msn sayings 2010 05 05 p15


I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough."

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and al

funny facebook sayings 2010 05 05


47% of all statistics are worthless
- Including 100% of this one.

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
Unless you drop it while you’re doing it, and burn yourself and your whole house down.


A bargain is something you do not need at a price you can’t resist.
- Send this one to your mother if she’s on your Facebook list!

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it’s tw

funny msn sayings 2010 05 05 p16


Wanna play a joke on your chiropractor? The next time he starts working on you, go limp and soil yourself.


A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it first.


What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.

My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.


I just thought of something funny...your mother.


I was so p

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