funnysayings.us » funny sayings

funny sayings 2010 05 07 p4


A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

Not only is woman's work never done, the definition keeps changing.

Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a chall

funny sayings 2010 05 07 p5


Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take an aspirin" and "Keep away from children".

Men who treat women as helpless and charming playthings deserve women who treat men as delightful and generous bank accounts.

Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn't expect to be paid back.

Please provide the date o

funny sayings 2010 05 07 p6


A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have

funny sayings 2010 05 07 p7


The trouble with wedlock is that there's not enough wed and too much lock.

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.


Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you

funny short sayings 2010 05 06 p11


Yes, it's my truck, and NO, I won't help you move.


Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.


Stop Honking I'm trying to make a phone call.

Put Your Big Girl Panties On.


On Your Mark, Get Set... GO AWAY !!


Save the ta tas !!


Will trade brother for video games.


Daddy Farted, and we Can't get out!!


Did the aliens forget to remove your anal prob

funny short sayings 2010 05 06 p12


Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.


My other bumper sticker is funny.


My other car is a broom.


Rehab is for quitters.


Jesus loves you, but I'm his favorite.


On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.


God must love stupid people. He made SO many of them.


Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I did a little shopping.


Friends help you move.

funny short sayings 2010 05 06 p13


Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.


Being a crabby bitch is just part of my charm.



Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.


Beauty is only a few beers away.


Jesus saves. He uses double coupons.


If you can read this, I've lost the trailer.


Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once.


If you want

funny short sayings 2010 05 06 p14


What Would BUDDHA Do?


I'm single again :-)



I feel like a pelican. No matter which way I turn there's always a huge bill in front of me.


Real Programmers Don't Document


Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."


The easiest way to get rich is to start your own religion.

My other car is also a piece of junk.


Work harder!! Millions on welfare are depending

funny short sayings 2010 05 06 p15


My MAC can beat up your PC.


Once you go MAC you'll never go back.


I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.


Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.


Out of my mind, back in five minutes.


My drinking team has a bowling problem.


Shrimp with assroted vegetables." — Typo on a Chinese restaurant menu.


Those who cast the votes decide not

funny short sayings 2010 05 06 p16


Spotted owl tastes like chicken.


I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.


If you stop and smell the roses - sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.



Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."


Ingredients as fresh as they were 27 years ago." — Slogan of the Biscuitville restaurant.




I fought the lawn,

funny short sayings 2010 05 06 p1


Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.


Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.

It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.


If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.


Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.


Illiterate? Write For Help.

I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.


If You Can Read This, The Bitch Fell Off. [Seen On The Back Of A

funny short sayings 2010 05 06 p17


4 out of 5 voices in my head say Go For It!


Clear the road !! I'm SIXTEEN.


Cover me! I'm changing lanes.

Life in a vacuum sucks.


You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless it was mailed.


Two wrongs are only the beginning.



Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.


ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!


A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.



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