funnysayings.us » funny sayings

funny hilarious sayings 2010 05 08 p1


I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.


There is only one immutable law in life - in a gentleman's toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way.


I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.

funny hilarious sayings 2010 05 08 p2



I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.



The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on.


Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

funny school sayings 2010 05 08 p1


Thank goodness I was never sent to school; it would have rubbed off some of the originality.

Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.


It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section.


I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I di

funny school sayings 2010 05 08 p2



If the Romans had been obliged to learn Latin, they would never have found time to conquer the world.

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.

There are only two places in the world where time takes precedence over the job to be done: school and prison.


Education is a progressive discovery of your own ignorance.


I was thrown out o

funny love sayings 2010 05 08 p1


There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.


To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love

funny love sayings 2010 05 08 p2


The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What... does a woman want?"

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.


Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.


The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.


Gravitation can not be held responsible for people

funny sayings 2010 05 07 p8


When a child asks difficult questions, invention is the necessity of Mother.

You know what is a "diet" is, don't you? It's "die" with a "t," that's what it is!

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

I have every sympathy with the American who was so horrified by what he has read of the effects of smoking that he gave up reading.

funny sayings 2010 05 07 p9


Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories.


Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

It's not about what you did yesterday - it's what you do tomorrow. If you rely too much on yesterday, tomorrow is going to jump and bi

funny sayings 2010 05 07 p10


Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.


This is it. I've reached the pinnacle of

funny sayings 2010 05 07 p1


A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor.

Don't give a woman advice. One should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girl

funny sayings 2010 05 07 p2



My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So for today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

The great and almost only comfort about being a woman is that one can always pretend to be more stupid than one is and no one is surprised.


I've bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second o

funny sayings 2010 05 07 p3


I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

My parents only had one argument in forty five years. It lasted forty three years.


I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, "You'll never find anyone like me again!"I'm thinking, "I should hope not? If I don't want you, why would I want someone li


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