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funny sayings 2010 06 18 p1



Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.

Certainty? In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.


Gray hair is God's graffiti.


Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.


You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly beans.


Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest professio

funny myspace sayings 2010 06 09 p1


Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.
Cher

Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.
Sen. Mary Anne Tebedo

One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
Nancy Astor

Drinking is an art, not a sport. You make it a sport, you’re dead in the water, you lose everything. It’ll kill you, I tell you.
Michael

funny myspace sayings 2010 06 09 p2


Death is nature’s way of saying, Your table’s ready.
Robin Williams Quotes

A quick word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said ”no”.
Woody Allen

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Robert Bloch

Don’t question GOD, as he may say, if you are so eager for answers, then please come up.
Anonymous

I don’t have

funny myspace sayings 2010 06 09 p3




When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don’t generate a lot of interest.


If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
Jack Handy

Here’s to being single – drinking doubles – and seeing triple!

A conclusion is the place where you ge

funny myspace sayings 2010 06 09 p4


Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.

All you future Google Whores might want to pay attention to what I’m about to reveal.
John Chow

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemingway

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman



Due to lack of interest, tomorrow has

funny myspace sayings 2010 06 09 p5




Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one.
E. B. White

Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don’t have to do it?


I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield

I drink no more than a sponge.
Francis Rabelais



They who drink beer will think beer.
Washington Irving

funny sayings 2010 06 07 p1


A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.

Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell.


What's the difference between a whore and a congressman? A congressman makes more money.



My sole literary ambition is to write one good novel, then retire to my hut in the desert, assume the lotus position, compose my mind and senses, and sin

funny sayings 2010 06 07 p2



An empty man is full of himself.

Who needs astrology? The wise man gets by on fortune cookies.



The tragedy of modern war is that the young men die fighting each other - instead of their real enemies back home in the capitals.


Anarchism is founded on the observation that since few men are wise enough to rule themselves, even fewer are wise enough to rule others.

Taxation:

funny sayings 2010 06 07 p3



Mexico: where life is cheap, death is rich, and the buzzards are never unhappy.


When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

In the dog-eat-dog economy, the Doberman is boss.


Football is a game for trained apes. That, in fact, is what most of the players are--retarded gorillas wearing helmets and uniforms. The only thing more debased is the surrounding mob of d

funny sayings 2010 06 07 p4




It is not an easy thing to inflate a dog.


New Yorkers like to boast that if you can survive in New York, you can survive anywhere. But if you can survive anywhere, why live in New York?





If the end does not justify the means - what can?

You can't study the darkness by flooding it with light.



Belief in the supernatural reflects a failure of the imagination.

funny sayings 2010 06 07 p5



Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they'd be intolerable.


Democracy--rule by the people--sounds like a fine thing; we should try it sometime in America.



Power is always dangerous. Power attracts the worst and corrupts the best.


Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.

The missionaries go forth to Christianize the savage

funny facebook sayings 2010 06 05 p7



Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.


I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.


What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.


I have bad r


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