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funny sayings 2010 05 p8



Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.

You know the speed of light;so what is the speed of dark ?


Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?



What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?


Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I though

funny sayings 2010 05 p9




Gene Police: You!! Out Of The Pool!

Your mama is so fat, when she sings, its over.



If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.


Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable. - Mrs. White, (Clue 1985)

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.


Behind every successful man is

funny sayings 2010 05 p10



Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.

Son, employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some you stand behind and kick them in the ass. The key to managemeant is knowing which mules are which.


If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?


I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - Geor

funny sayings 2010 05 p11


In God we trust; all others must pay cash.


He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor. - Paddy O'Dea



When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein



When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

funny work sayings 2010 05 26 p10

Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.


The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.

The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you’re on the job.

A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shar

funny work sayings 2010 05 26 p11


Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.

All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.



I make a lot of money, but I don’t want to talk about that. I work very hard and I’m worth every cent.

People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The trouble is they want a week’s pay for it.

God put me on this Earth to accomplis

funny work sayings 2010 05 26 p12



I didn’t have to work till I was three. But after that, I never stopped.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act bus

funny work sayings 2010 05 26 p13


The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.

It’s a biiiig mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.

If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.

Freedom is that instant between when someone tells you to do something and when you decide how to respond.


funny work sayings 2010 05 26 p14


Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.

In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse.

The human race's prospects of survival were considerably better when we were defenceless against tigers than they are today when we have become defenceless against ourselves.


The t

funny work sayings 2010 05 26 p1


I dream for a living.


Working gets in the way of living.


The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.

The process of maturing is an art to be learned, an effort to be sustained. By the age of fifty you have made yourself what you are, and if it is good, it is better than your youth.

funny work sayings 2010 05 26 p2


The harder I work the luckier I get.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.


To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting Mgr., Electric Boat Company)

funny work sayings 2010 05 26 p3


What do hookers do on their nights off type?

An ant on the move does more than a dozing ox.



No project was ever completed on time and within budget.

The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you’re not ‘professional’ any more.

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and work


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