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funny sayings 2010 05 22 p9


My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad; but New York City?

Henny Youngman


I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.

George Best

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Grouch

funny sayings 2010 05 22 p25


My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.
Spike Milligan


Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
George Bernard Shaw


The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wi

funny sayings 2010 05 22 p10


An alcoholic has been lightly defined as a man who drinks more than his own doctor.

Alvan L. Barach


What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for.

Irish proverb


Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley


I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw

funny sayings 2010 05 22 p26



My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
Jay London


Never floss with a stranger.
Joan Rivers


There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Henry A. Kissinger

There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.
Casey Stengel

Never have more children than you have car windows.
Erma Bombeck


Nobod

funny sayings 2010 05 22 p11


Be careful to trust a person who does not like wine.

Karl Marx


The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom.

William Blake


I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen

I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.
Stephen King

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Emo Philips

I will not eat

funny sayings 2010 05 21 p7


No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris ... [because] no known motor can run at the requisite speed for four days without stopping.
~Author : Orville Wright Nice funny witty Quotes



Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards.
– George Carlin



When any fit of gloominess, or perversion of mind, lays hold upon you, make it a rule not to publish it by comp

funny sayings 2010 05 21 p8

If you can't spot the sucker in the first half an hour at the table, then you are the sucker.
– Rounders, the movie (2000)

One day a chump, the next day a champion. What a difference a day makes in tournament poker.
– Mike Sexton


When you find yourself overpowered, as it were, by melancholy, the best way is to go out and do something.
- John Keble


The best mask for demoralization

funny sayings 2010 05 21 p9


Omaha is a game that was invented by a Sadist and is played by Masochists.
– Shane Smith

"He has cards even the salvation army would reject"
– Norman Chad

The opposite of having faith is having self-pity.
- Og Guinness

Is life so wretched? Isn't it rather your hands which are too small, your vision which is muddled? You are the one who must grow up.
- Dag Hammarskjold

Old age is

funny sayings 2010 05 21 p10


"Whether he likes it or not, a man's character is stripped bare at the poker table; if the other players read him better than he does, he has only himself to blame. Unless he is both able and prepared to see himself as others do, flaws and all, he will be a loser in cards, as in life."
– Anthony Holden, from 'Big Deal'



"Poker is generally reckoned to be America's second most popular aft

funny sayings 2010 05 21 p11


"People would be surprised to know how much I learned about prayer from playing poker"
– Mary Austin, 20th century American author


Self-pity comes so naturally to all of us.
- Andre Maurois


Self-pity is a death that has no resurrection, a sinkhole from which no rescuing hand can drag you because you have chosen to sink.
- Elizabeth Elliot


Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optio

funny sayings 2010 05 21 p1


Nobody has ever measured even poets, how much a heart can hold.
~Author : Zelda witty funny Quotes


"I never go looking for a sucker. I look for a Champion and make a sucker of him."
– 'Amarillo' Slim Preston

"At the gambling table, there are no fathers and sons."
– Chinese Proverb


Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand.
- Baruch Spinoza



Every message of despai

funny sayings 2010 05 21 p2


Why has government been instituted at all? Because the passions of men will not conform to the dictates of reason and justice, without constraint.
~Author : Alexander Hamilton funny witty Sayings

Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.
~Author


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