funny sayings

Be good – and if you can't be good, be careful.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.


You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

Okay, so God made man first, but doesn't ev

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?


If you can’t learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.


If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.

All generalizations are dangerous, even this one.


The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided.


Worry is like a rocking chair; it keeps you

I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better.

Adorable children are considered to be the general property of the human race. Rude children belong to their mothers

Everyone has the ability of making someone happy, some by entering the room, others by leaving it.

The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.

My opinio

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

Never buy a car you can't push.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

I swear to make no promises I cannot keep.

You have one choice.

If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.

Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.

If I had known how successful I was going to be, I wouldn't have wo

If you are going to walk on thin ice you might as well dance.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs.

You don’t stand alone. I also stand alone!

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

The sex was so good even the neighbors had a ciga

Beer – the reason I wake up every afternoon.

Raising a kid is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.

The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.

You can't have everything….where would you put it?

You never truly understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.

I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them

Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.


You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most, live the longest.


When life gives you lemons, squirt them in your enemy’s eyes!


Matrimony isn’t a word

People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people.

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush

Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

Better late than really late.

====funny sayings 2011 02 28 about people, car, spring, mouse,friend==


The early bird may get the worm

Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.


It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen or oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caug

There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.

Early to rise, and early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers


Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.

If all the cars on the Earth were lined up bumper to bumper, some idiot would try to pass them.

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxi cabs or cutting hair.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing


N

Man who walks thru airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok

If you think about it long enough, you’ll see that it’s obvious.

God made us brothers, but Prozac made us friends.

Why are they called buildings if they’ve already been built?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Be good; if you can’t be good, have fun.

A free society is one where it is safe to be