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funny facebook sayings 2010 06 05 p6



If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.


How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?


Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?


You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.


Time is nature's way of keeping everything from ha

funny facebook sayings 2010 06 05 p7



Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.


I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.


What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.


I have bad r

funny facebook sayings 2010 06 05 p8




If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.


If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out o

funny facebook sayings 2010 06 05 p9



Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.




The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the ph

funny facebook sayings 2010 06 05 p10



I failed to make the chess team because of my height.


I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.


Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.


Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.


On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying

funny facebook sayings 2010 06 05 p11



It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.


I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.


I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.


funny facebook sayings 2010 06 05 p1



I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.


When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.


I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.


I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy. (Clown Prince of American H

funny facebook sayings 2010 06 05 p2




Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.


I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.



I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.


I took a speed reading course and read 'W

funny facebook sayings 2010 06 05 p3



What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?


I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.


As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.


Eighty percent of success is showing up.


Life doesn't

funny msn sayings 2010 06 03 p1


I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.


If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.


Worrying works! 90% o

funny msn sayings 2010 06 03 p2



I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.



Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Politicians

funny msn sayings 2010 06 03 p3



Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

I didn'


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