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funny sayings 2013 08 02

  • All our life our parents told us not to write on walls. Facebook teaches us differently.
  • Facebook is starting to be like my fridge, I know nothing is there but I keep checking it anyway...
  • The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it's breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
  • How is it that when

funny sayings 2013 07 31

  • Dear William & Kate: If William is 100% royal and Princess kate is 0% royal, will that make your son a half-blood prince?
  • The English murder their meat twice: once when they shoot it and once when they cook it.
  • Do animals think in English, or in the sounds they make?
  • If you are dating a girl who doesn't like Star Wars puns, you're looking for lov

Girlfriend Vs. Cat

  • Both find it acceptable to eat my food
  • Neither can decided whether or not they want to go out for the evening.
  • It is acceptable for them to sleep all day but neither will let me sleep in if they are awake.
  • Both demand attention whenever I want privacy.
  • I can never tell what either of them are thinking but I can assume I have displeased them in som

funny sayings 2013 07 26

  • I've had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
  • He is an 8 pound boy, which, if my conversion figures are correct, means he weighs $19.
  • I really hope Kate and William will call him "Joffrey", that would be royal trolling at its best.
  • Sometimes one middle finger isn't enough to let someone know how you feel. That's why you have two

funny sayings 2013 07 24

  • Don't try to understand women, women understand women and they hate each other.
  • Tornado warning in Taxas! Everybody should go to the cowboy stadium. No chance of a touchdown there.
  • Why the hell isn't the iphone's battery life called APPLE JUICE.
  • Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they tr

funny sayings 2013 07 22

  • I'm honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
  • The Goat: When I eat grass, it's like I'm giving the world a haircut.
  • I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
  • Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease.

funny sayings 2013 07 19

  • Emigration to the USA is a good thing.Everytime someone moves to live in the USA from their home country the average IQ of both countries goes up.
  • If someone throws a stone at you, throw a flower at them. But remember to throw the flower pot with it.
  • When I get old, I'm not going to sit around knitting. I'm going to be clicking my Life Alert Button to see how m

funny sayings 2013 07 17

  • A lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talk to each other, instead of about each other.
  • Facebook is a strange place. The place where peoeple add you as a friend and walk past you in the street. Where relationships are perfect, affairs are started, and liars believe they are telling the truth. Your enemies visit your pro file the most, yet your friends and fami

funny sayings 2013 07 15

funny sayings 2013 07 15
  • Mario Kart's "The closer to 1st place you are, the less useful power-ups you get" system is an ideal model for how our economy should work.
  • My names is Seth. I'm a brother. I'm a son. I'm a husband. I'm a husband. I'm a husband. And I'm a Mormon.
  • Everything happens for a reason.. so when I smack you, remember, I had a good freakin' reaso

funny sayings 2013 07 12

  • Everyday I get to work with the best intentions and the right attitude, then idiots happen...
  • I can't believe the USA is 2013 years old today. Happy birthday!
  • Just because there are plenty of fish in the sea, it doesn't mean that any of them will want to be around you.
  • If HEAT makes things expand... I don't have a weight problem, I am just HOT...

funny sayings 2013 07 10

  • I wish people were like money, so you could hold them up to the light to see which ones are real and which ones are fake.
  • A woman without curves is like a road without bends... You might get to your destination quicker, but the ride is boring as hell...
  • LIFE is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can't laugh at yourself, call me, I'll laugh at you!

funny sayings 2013 07 08

  • Guns are welcome on premises: please keep all weapons holstered unless need arises, in such a case, judicious marksmanship is appreciated.
  • Why do I barely get service in my house but the god damn Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan.
  • A clothing company has come out with new 3D T-shirts. Which is great, but you know who's been wearing 3D T-shirts

funny sayings 2013 07 05

  • Whenever you do something stupid, just remember that Roman emperor Caligula waged a war on Poseidon. He had his army march to the beach and told them to start stabbing the water.
  • How to teach your children about tax: eat 30% of their icecream.
  • One of the worst things about politics? Nobody remembers how much they hated the previous guy because they're too busy


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