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funny sayings part 5

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters who'll think he's Tiger Woods.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

I was somebody. Who, is no business Of yours.

God Works in Mysterious Ways.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in
fair weather an

funny sayings part 6

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

As the flowers are all made sweeter by the sunshine and the dew, So this old world is made brighter by the lives Of folks like you.

It is harder than Chinese Math.

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you ea

funny sayings part 7

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job: it's a depression when you lose yours.


Here lies Lester Moore; Four slugs from a .44; No Less No More.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.



funny sayings part 8

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

I was sued by a woman who claimed that she became pregnant because she watched me on television and I bent her contraceptive coil.

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake; Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

A comedian does funny things. A g

funny sayings part 9

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that he did not also limit his stupidity.

My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil .

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But no

funny sayings part 10

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh.
But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so

funny sayings part 11

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.


Most fools think they are only ignorant.

One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule,
and on every side of a fool

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

funny sayings part 12

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)


The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits


Football is like life, it requires perseverance, self-denial, hard work sacrifice,
dedication and respect for authority.

funny sayings part 13

Death is hereditary.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.


The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

funny sayings part 14

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.


So a man jumps into a taxi and says "King Arthur's close" and the taxi driver says, "don't worry we'll lose him at the next lights".

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.


funny sayings part 15

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.



When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.


Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

Cheer up

funny sayings part 16

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.


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