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funny sayings 2010 07 02


"Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake".

"Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty".



"Personally I think birthdays and anniversaries are like menstrual cramps, a regular pain in the ass thats somehow connected to birth".


"I've never looked forward to a birthday like I'm looking forward to my new daughter's birthday, bec

funny sayings 2010 06 22



To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.


Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country.


Man - a figment of God's imagination.


Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

funny sayings 2010 06 21



I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality.


As you know, we're studying safe levels for arsenic in drinking water to base our decision on sound science, the scientists told us we need to test the water glasses of a

funny sayings 2010 06 20



When I take action, I'm not going to fire a 2 million dollar missile at a 10 dollar empty tent and hit a camel in the butt. It's going to be decisive. -- (Newsweek, Sep 24, 2001)


Thank you for your e-mail. This Internet of yours is a wonderful invention. -- (email to Al Gore, mocking his famous Internet invention claim, quoted in Newsweek, Mar 2000)


Be careful about reading health

funny sayings 2010 06 23



In my sentences I go where no man has gone before...I am a boon to the English language.


You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on. -- (spoken at a Washington Dinner, March 2001)



Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

We consider that any man who can fiddle all through one of those Virginia Reels withou

funny sayings 2010 06 19



Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.


Get the facts first. You can distort them later.


When in doubt, tell the truth.


You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.



Once you've put one of his books down, you simply can't pick it up a

funny sayings 2010 06 24



The report of my death was an exaggeration. (New York Journal, June 1897)


Buy land. They've stopped making it.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.



It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.


Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest.


Most people are bothered by those passages of Scriptur

funny sayings 2010 06 18 p1



Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.

Certainty? In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.


Gray hair is God's graffiti.


Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.


You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly beans.


Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest professio

funny sayings 2010 06 18 p2



Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.


The absent are never without fault. Nor the present without excuse.

If a man empties his purse into his head, no man can take it away from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.


If you would know the value of money try to borrow some.


I am not the boss of my house. I don't know when I lost it. I don't know

funny sayings 2010 06 18 p3



Were it offered to my choice, I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its beginning, only asking the advantages authors have in a second edition to correct some faults in the first.


Here comes the orator with his flood of words and his drop of reason.



My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn't because parenting can be

funny sayings 2010 06 18 p4



Who had deceived thee so often as thyself?

Content makes poor men rich; discontentment makes rich men poor.


My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!


Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one

funny sayings 2010 06 18 p5



God heals and the doctor takes the fee.


Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.

He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.


As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what


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