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funny sayings 2013 10 16

  • When poured onto cereal, what is milk? a beverage, a broth or sauce?
  • Imagine you are 100 people and you order a pizza with 100 slices, and when the pizza comes the first guy takes 37 slices, that's our society.
  • I accidentally called 911, thinking there was a burglar in the house, but it was just the dog. So I broke all the windows and kicked down the front door

funny sayings 2013 10 14

  • Someone just tried to convince me that th government has shut down.. haha people are idiots just saw a cop car literally today.
  • Things I hate: 1) Vandalism 2) Irony 3) Lists.
  • This house runs best on love laughter and losts of beer.
  • The government shutdown reminds me of when I played N64 as a kid and my friend would press the reset button whenever he

funny sayings 2013 10 11

  • I'm slower than Internet Explorer on a 90's dial up connection, but I RUN.
  • Maturity is being home alone and doing something more productive than masturbating.
  • If all insects on Earth disappeared, within 50 years all life on Earth would end. If all human beings disappeared from the Earth, within 50 years all forms of life would flourish.
  • Do you stil

funny sayings 2013 10 09

  • Before someone gets their drivers liscence they should have to beat Rainbow Road on Mario Kart without falling off.
  • I hate how spiders just sit there on the walls and act like they pay rent...
  • I love it when I buy a bag of air & the company is nice enough to put some chips in.
  • A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry.

funny sayings 2013 10 07

  • People who care about celebrity babies are creepy. "What will her baby look like?!" A baby. You've seen a baby right? It'll look like that.
  • If you ever feel unattractive, just remember, you look like your ancestors, and they all got laid.
  • Working hard before working hard: it's exhausting having to read through hundreds of twitter and facebook posts each morning b

funny sayings 2013 10 02

  • Caution: this machine has no brain, use your own.
  • Theory is when you know everything but nothing works. Practice is when everything works but no one knows why. In our lab, theory and practice are combined: nothing works and no one knows why.
  • Life and love are like hide and seek. People spend their whole lives looking for love, but when they finally forget to

funny sayings 2013 09 30

  • If you think your girlfriend has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.
  • I once made a belt out of watches, it was a waist of time.
  • The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
  • When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure s

funny sayings 2013 09 27

  • Is there 2 different gta? Because I'm seeing some ppl say GTAV and some ppl saying GTA5.
  • You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and airline, it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons...but at the very last, you need a beer.
  • Halloween costume suggestion: tell people you're going as half-life 3, then don't show up to th

funny sayings 2013 09 25

  • If you're in cooking class, would "The dog ate my homework" be a viable excuse?
  • The difference between a woman on her period and a terrorist is that you can negotiate with a terrorist.
  • So I put your phone on 'Airplane Mode' and threw it up in the air...Worst Transformer ever. Just saying...
  • Condoms are just like parents...they are there to protect

funny facebook sayings 2013 09 23

  • Soup of the day: Beer.
  • I don't see why everybody wants a white iPhone. Everyone knows the black one runs faster.
  • Whoever said nothing is impossible...Never tried to staple water to a tree.
  • Pregnancy tests should read: You're Screwed! or Keep Screwing.
  • When I kill a bug in my house, I leave the dead body around for a bit to warn the others.

funny sayings 2013 09 18

  • The thing that frightens me the most about having an offspring is the thought of my child turning into an angry YouTube commenter.
  • My dentist once told me that letting go is like pulling a tooth. When it was pulled out, you're relieved, but how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was? Probably a hundred times a day. Just be cause it w

funny sayings 2013 09 16

  • I have always given 100% at work and it workds really well. 10% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 12% on Thursday, 5% on Friday.
  • I have found my sleep number and it is seven, seven beers.
  • During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles. Who the XXXXX runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?
  • Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless l

funny sayings 2013 09 13

  • When a person dies and no one will miss them, the mouring is assigned to a random human. This is why you sometimes just feel sad.
  • New boyfriend is allergic to kitten so can't keep him :( He's ginger and named Tom. Friendly. Comes when called. 28yrs-old and works in IT.
  • Turns out when a guy says "my girlfirend died of terminal cancer" it sounds exactly like "my


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