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funny sayings 2013 10 07

  • People who care about celebrity babies are creepy. "What will her baby look like?!" A baby. You've seen a baby right? It'll look like that.
  • If you ever feel unattractive, just remember, you look like your ancestors, and they all got laid.
  • Working hard before working hard: it's exhausting having to read through hundreds of twitter and facebook posts each morning b

funny sayings 2013 10 02

  • Caution: this machine has no brain, use your own.
  • Theory is when you know everything but nothing works. Practice is when everything works but no one knows why. In our lab, theory and practice are combined: nothing works and no one knows why.
  • Life and love are like hide and seek. People spend their whole lives looking for love, but when they finally forget to

funny sayings 2013 09 30

  • If you think your girlfriend has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.
  • I once made a belt out of watches, it was a waist of time.
  • The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
  • When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure s

funny sayings 2013 09 27

  • Is there 2 different gta? Because I'm seeing some ppl say GTAV and some ppl saying GTA5.
  • You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and airline, it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons...but at the very last, you need a beer.
  • Halloween costume suggestion: tell people you're going as half-life 3, then don't show up to th

funny sayings 2013 09 25

  • If you're in cooking class, would "The dog ate my homework" be a viable excuse?
  • The difference between a woman on her period and a terrorist is that you can negotiate with a terrorist.
  • So I put your phone on 'Airplane Mode' and threw it up in the air...Worst Transformer ever. Just saying...
  • Condoms are just like parents...they are there to protect

funny facebook sayings 2013 09 23

  • Soup of the day: Beer.
  • I don't see why everybody wants a white iPhone. Everyone knows the black one runs faster.
  • Whoever said nothing is impossible...Never tried to staple water to a tree.
  • Pregnancy tests should read: You're Screwed! or Keep Screwing.
  • When I kill a bug in my house, I leave the dead body around for a bit to warn the others.

funny sayings 2013 09 18

  • The thing that frightens me the most about having an offspring is the thought of my child turning into an angry YouTube commenter.
  • My dentist once told me that letting go is like pulling a tooth. When it was pulled out, you're relieved, but how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was? Probably a hundred times a day. Just be cause it w

funny sayings 2013 09 16

  • I have always given 100% at work and it workds really well. 10% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 12% on Thursday, 5% on Friday.
  • I have found my sleep number and it is seven, seven beers.
  • During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles. Who the XXXXX runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?
  • Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless l

funny sayings 2013 09 13

  • When a person dies and no one will miss them, the mouring is assigned to a random human. This is why you sometimes just feel sad.
  • New boyfriend is allergic to kitten so can't keep him :( He's ginger and named Tom. Friendly. Comes when called. 28yrs-old and works in IT.
  • Turns out when a guy says "my girlfirend died of terminal cancer" it sounds exactly like "my

funny sayings 2013 09 11

  • Having a dirty mind makes ordinary conversations much more interesting.
  • At a coffee shop today two people asked me if I could watch their valuables for them. I guess this means I have a trustworthy face. In unrelated news, I have two MacBooks for sale, if anybody wants them.
  • NOTICE: If you notice this notice, you'll notice this notice is not worth noticing. thank

funny sayings 2013 09 09

  • Do not trust atoms, they make up everything.
  • We have beer as cold as your girlfirend's heart.
  • In 7th grade I went to see a movie with a boy and in the middle of it , he was like "do you wanna kiss" and I was like "excuse me", and he pulled a bag of hershey's kisses out of his coat.Do you realize what a good backup plan that is.
  • Have you ever been cut

Things no one says anymore...

  • "Oh good , the new phonebook's here." 1879~2004
  • "Man,I want that new flip phone so bad." 1996~2007
  • "That lindsay lohan girl really has her s..t together!" 1997~2010
  • "Hey, let's go watch music videos on MTV" 1981~2008
  • "Isn't it rad how the sun revolves around the earth?" 4000bc~1643
  • "You're 18, you should be married with kids

funny sayings 2013 09 04

  • New Parent Idea: 1. Take pictures of you pulling baby out of spacecraft in forest. 2. Hide pictures in attic for kid to find when he's 10.
  • Why do dogs bark? Researchers say it's simply because they're dogs.
  • College admission should be, "Use your, you're, then, than, their, there and they're in sentences." If you fail, you restart the 4th grade.
  • Jewe


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