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funny sayings 2013 09 30

  • If you think your girlfriend has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.
  • I once made a belt out of watches, it was a waist of time.
  • The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
  • When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure s

funny sayings 2013 09 27

  • Is there 2 different gta? Because I'm seeing some ppl say GTAV and some ppl saying GTA5.
  • You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and airline, it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons...but at the very last, you need a beer.
  • Halloween costume suggestion: tell people you're going as half-life 3, then don't show up to th

funny sayings 2013 09 25

  • If you're in cooking class, would "The dog ate my homework" be a viable excuse?
  • The difference between a woman on her period and a terrorist is that you can negotiate with a terrorist.
  • So I put your phone on 'Airplane Mode' and threw it up in the air...Worst Transformer ever. Just saying...
  • Condoms are just like parents...they are there to protect

funny facebook sayings 2013 09 23

  • Soup of the day: Beer.
  • I don't see why everybody wants a white iPhone. Everyone knows the black one runs faster.
  • Whoever said nothing is impossible...Never tried to staple water to a tree.
  • Pregnancy tests should read: You're Screwed! or Keep Screwing.
  • When I kill a bug in my house, I leave the dead body around for a bit to warn the others.

funny sayings 2013 09 18

  • The thing that frightens me the most about having an offspring is the thought of my child turning into an angry YouTube commenter.
  • My dentist once told me that letting go is like pulling a tooth. When it was pulled out, you're relieved, but how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was? Probably a hundred times a day. Just be cause it w

funny sayings 2013 09 16

  • I have always given 100% at work and it workds really well. 10% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 12% on Thursday, 5% on Friday.
  • I have found my sleep number and it is seven, seven beers.
  • During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles. Who the XXXXX runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?
  • Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless l

funny sayings 2013 09 13

  • When a person dies and no one will miss them, the mouring is assigned to a random human. This is why you sometimes just feel sad.
  • New boyfriend is allergic to kitten so can't keep him :( He's ginger and named Tom. Friendly. Comes when called. 28yrs-old and works in IT.
  • Turns out when a guy says "my girlfirend died of terminal cancer" it sounds exactly like "my

funny sayings 2013 09 11

  • Having a dirty mind makes ordinary conversations much more interesting.
  • At a coffee shop today two people asked me if I could watch their valuables for them. I guess this means I have a trustworthy face. In unrelated news, I have two MacBooks for sale, if anybody wants them.
  • NOTICE: If you notice this notice, you'll notice this notice is not worth noticing. thank

funny sayings 2013 09 09

  • Do not trust atoms, they make up everything.
  • We have beer as cold as your girlfirend's heart.
  • In 7th grade I went to see a movie with a boy and in the middle of it , he was like "do you wanna kiss" and I was like "excuse me", and he pulled a bag of hershey's kisses out of his coat.Do you realize what a good backup plan that is.
  • Have you ever been cut

Things no one says anymore...

  • "Oh good , the new phonebook's here." 1879~2004
  • "Man,I want that new flip phone so bad." 1996~2007
  • "That lindsay lohan girl really has her s..t together!" 1997~2010
  • "Hey, let's go watch music videos on MTV" 1981~2008
  • "Isn't it rad how the sun revolves around the earth?" 4000bc~1643
  • "You're 18, you should be married with kids

funny sayings 2013 09 04

  • New Parent Idea: 1. Take pictures of you pulling baby out of spacecraft in forest. 2. Hide pictures in attic for kid to find when he's 10.
  • Why do dogs bark? Researchers say it's simply because they're dogs.
  • College admission should be, "Use your, you're, then, than, their, there and they're in sentences." If you fail, you restart the 4th grade.
  • Jewe

funny sayings 2013 09 01

  • Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
  • Just learned to tie my shoe, now I have to do it myself for the rest of my life.
  • 9 out of 10 husbands agreed that their wives are always right. The 10th husband hasn't been seen since t

funny sayings 2013 08 30

  • Just caught up on all my social media after the weekend. Guys, quit making fun of Miley Cyrus. She's going to make a great Batman.
  • The girl found her stolen bike listed on Craigslist and arranged to meet the guy... Asked to take it for a test ride and just never stopped pedaling.
  • Spider in your bed? Vitamin-packed kale gives you the energy and strength needed t


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