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funny sayings 2013 11 04

  • Walking away to hide your boner, just manly things.
  • Made girlfriend guess what my suprise for her was, all of her wrong guesses are new surprise ideas for the future.
  • Well behaved children welcome, the rest will be made into pies.
  • Seeing a spider is nothing. It becomes a problem when it disappears.
  • Congratulations!! You are the 100th per

funny sayings 2013 11 01

  • I know I've become an adult because when I'm on xbox live, instead of being called a gay 12 year old girl, I'm called a fat pedofile. I play for the self esteem boost.
  • My wife always complains that I dont take her anywhere expensive... so I took her to the Gas Station.
  • If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.
  • I hate weddings.

funny sayings 2013 10 30

  • I got bored at work today, so I started working to help pass the time.
  • Asked my 2 year old what her fav part of today's Halloween party was and she pointed at thin air and said, "that ghost". May move house.
  • Dad comes home from work, my brother and I are playing the NES in our bedroom. He pops his head in, "Hello boys. Just playing your Seven-Eight-Don't?" We loo

funny sayings 2013 10 28

  • We have been through a lot together and most of it was your fault.
  • There are only two things a man can't resist... a pint of Guinness and another pint.
  • If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
  • I want to have 3 kids and name them Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they f**k up I will just hit them all at once.

funny sayings 2013 10 25

  • Women belong in the kitchen, men belong in the kitchen. Everyone belongs in the kitchen, kitchen has food.
  • Facebook is like a relationship: Faithful on your wall, but cheating in their inbox...
  • How much cocaine does Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men...
  • Every gay guys GPS system would tell him to Go straight. haha
  • Who was

funny sayings 2013 10 23

  • So, most of you know that the reason that most schools disallow the wearing of hats/bandannas/headbands is because it could be interpreted or used as a gang sign. So that's why I'm starting a gang, the East Side Trousers. Our gang sign is wearing pants. Your move, school board.
  • Some kid in my english class: so if shakespeare was writing for the uneducated then why are we stu

funny sayings 2013 10 21

  • Cosmo sex tip #301: Don't be scared of doing something a bit more flexible. While you are on top, turn your head 360 degrees whilst screaming "the anti-christ has awoken".
  • There is no love sincerer than the love of food.
  • I put so much emphasis on brains, because I know I'll never have beauty.
  • Drinking starbucks makes me feel rich.
  • I don't

funny sayings 2013 10 18

  • Good guy Roman Empire: Govenment shuts down 560 years ago and still allows tourists to visit monuments.
  • Why the f**k should I go to someone's funeral if they aren't going to attend mine?
  • The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men apply the same theory to looking for a girlfriend.
  • Apparently, the answer 'I know.' is not a good answer w

funny sayings 2013 10 16

  • When poured onto cereal, what is milk? a beverage, a broth or sauce?
  • Imagine you are 100 people and you order a pizza with 100 slices, and when the pizza comes the first guy takes 37 slices, that's our society.
  • I accidentally called 911, thinking there was a burglar in the house, but it was just the dog. So I broke all the windows and kicked down the front door

funny sayings 2013 10 14

  • Someone just tried to convince me that th government has shut down.. haha people are idiots just saw a cop car literally today.
  • Things I hate: 1) Vandalism 2) Irony 3) Lists.
  • This house runs best on love laughter and losts of beer.
  • The government shutdown reminds me of when I played N64 as a kid and my friend would press the reset button whenever he

funny sayings 2013 10 11

  • I'm slower than Internet Explorer on a 90's dial up connection, but I RUN.
  • Maturity is being home alone and doing something more productive than masturbating.
  • If all insects on Earth disappeared, within 50 years all life on Earth would end. If all human beings disappeared from the Earth, within 50 years all forms of life would flourish.
  • Do you stil

funny sayings 2013 10 09

  • Before someone gets their drivers liscence they should have to beat Rainbow Road on Mario Kart without falling off.
  • I hate how spiders just sit there on the walls and act like they pay rent...
  • I love it when I buy a bag of air & the company is nice enough to put some chips in.
  • A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry.

funny sayings 2013 10 07

  • People who care about celebrity babies are creepy. "What will her baby look like?!" A baby. You've seen a baby right? It'll look like that.
  • If you ever feel unattractive, just remember, you look like your ancestors, and they all got laid.
  • Working hard before working hard: it's exhausting having to read through hundreds of twitter and facebook posts each morning b


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