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funny sayings 2013 11 15

  • I'm a bassist, but I lie to people and tell them that I play guitar. Because explaining the difference between a bass and a guitar got too annoying.
  • Weird is a side effect of awesome.
  • What if I told you that there are other scientists besides Carl Sagan and Bill Nye.
  • Laid a bedsheet down before playing lego, five second cleanup.
  • end

funny sayings 2013 11 13

  • I will not turn my clock back, I will be living one hour in the future. I greet you, the People of the Past.
  • Bacteria: the only culture some people have.
  • My bank is the worst. They're charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can't even afford to be broke.
  • No I didnt trip The floor looked like it needed a hug.

funny sayings 2013 11 11

funny sayings 2013 11 11
  • How to kiss a boy: 1 grab his waist. 2) slip your hand in his pocket. 3) steal his wallet. 4) dont even kiss him. 5) just run.
  • Waking up early is like playing life on "EXPERT" difficulty.
  • I'm searching Facebook for people named Hontas, just because I think it would be cool... to poke a Hontas.
  • Women are like police, they can have a

funny sayings 2013 11 08

  • I'm bisexual, when I stick my hands down someone's pants I am always pleased with the result...
  • Rule of Math: If it seems easy, you're doing it wrong.
  • A: How did people know what roads to take before google maps was made? B: They used maps. A: I said before google maps.
  • Children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children.

funny sayings 2013 11 06

  • Mad Science: if God don't want us to magnetize kittens, he wouldn't have given us kittens and magnets.
  • Looking for someone who likes to take romantic walks... to the bridge... to get another beer.
  • I'm belatedly realizing that all the guy in the laundry room heard from my phone conversation with my boss regarding the location of a patient's X-rays was "She was in

funny sayings 2013 11 04

  • Walking away to hide your boner, just manly things.
  • Made girlfriend guess what my suprise for her was, all of her wrong guesses are new surprise ideas for the future.
  • Well behaved children welcome, the rest will be made into pies.
  • Seeing a spider is nothing. It becomes a problem when it disappears.
  • Congratulations!! You are the 100th per

funny sayings 2013 11 01

  • I know I've become an adult because when I'm on xbox live, instead of being called a gay 12 year old girl, I'm called a fat pedofile. I play for the self esteem boost.
  • My wife always complains that I dont take her anywhere expensive... so I took her to the Gas Station.
  • If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.
  • I hate weddings.

funny sayings 2013 10 30

  • I got bored at work today, so I started working to help pass the time.
  • Asked my 2 year old what her fav part of today's Halloween party was and she pointed at thin air and said, "that ghost". May move house.
  • Dad comes home from work, my brother and I are playing the NES in our bedroom. He pops his head in, "Hello boys. Just playing your Seven-Eight-Don't?" We loo

funny sayings 2013 10 28

  • We have been through a lot together and most of it was your fault.
  • There are only two things a man can't resist... a pint of Guinness and another pint.
  • If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
  • I want to have 3 kids and name them Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they f**k up I will just hit them all at once.

funny sayings 2013 10 25

  • Women belong in the kitchen, men belong in the kitchen. Everyone belongs in the kitchen, kitchen has food.
  • Facebook is like a relationship: Faithful on your wall, but cheating in their inbox...
  • How much cocaine does Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men...
  • Every gay guys GPS system would tell him to Go straight. haha
  • Who was

funny sayings 2013 10 23

  • So, most of you know that the reason that most schools disallow the wearing of hats/bandannas/headbands is because it could be interpreted or used as a gang sign. So that's why I'm starting a gang, the East Side Trousers. Our gang sign is wearing pants. Your move, school board.
  • Some kid in my english class: so if shakespeare was writing for the uneducated then why are we stu

funny sayings 2013 10 21

  • Cosmo sex tip #301: Don't be scared of doing something a bit more flexible. While you are on top, turn your head 360 degrees whilst screaming "the anti-christ has awoken".
  • There is no love sincerer than the love of food.
  • I put so much emphasis on brains, because I know I'll never have beauty.
  • Drinking starbucks makes me feel rich.
  • I don't

funny sayings 2013 10 18

  • Good guy Roman Empire: Govenment shuts down 560 years ago and still allows tourists to visit monuments.
  • Why the f**k should I go to someone's funeral if they aren't going to attend mine?
  • The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men apply the same theory to looking for a girlfriend.
  • Apparently, the answer 'I know.' is not a good answer w


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