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funny sayings 2013 12 20

  • Refuse to watch Lord of the Rings on account of how they rip off everything from Game of Thrones.
  • No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don't Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March...
  • Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
  • Whoever stole my Microsoft O

funny sayings 2013 12 18

  • On a road trip with my dad when I was young, he pulls out a diet pepsi and opens it, I yell "DOn't drink and driver!" and knock it out of his hand.
  • Turns out my social skills are a bit rusty - a colleague's wife said all her kids had blonde hair and blue eyes to which I responded "Hitler would be proud!". Safe to say I won't be seeing her again.
  • People say laught

funny sayings 2013 12 16

  • I bet we could go explore the galaxy if we could stop being dicks for like five minutes.
  • Men are like dogs, we're excited to see you and have no clue what you're mad about.
  • As a mortician, I always tie the shoelaces together of the dead. Cause if there is ever a zombie apocalypse, it will be hilarious.
  • Myspace is my ex husband, Facebook is my baby dad

funny sayings 2013 12 13

  • I can sadly tell I'm growing up by my attraction to women. I know this because unfortunately my quests for butts and boobs are all too quickly being replaced with phrases like "Goddamn look at the emotional availability on that one" or "Yeah girl, shake that independent personality that will allow me to pursue my ambitions";
  • This is a pretty shitty flash mob. It's in my li

funny sayings 2013 12 11

  • When you think about how huge the earth is, and how it's just a fraction the size of the sun, which is just a speck of dust in the entire universe... it's easy to rationalize eating an entire cake.
  • So I'm sitting in an airport restaurant waiting for my flight back to Charlottesville when an interesting scene unfolds in front of me. A pretty girl is sitting by herself when

funny sayings 2013 12 09

  • I was buying flowers for a girl and the cashier said "someone's in trouble" and I stared at him and said "yeah, my friend can't get out of his f**king coffin" the look I got from him was glorious.
  • Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
  • So I just watched my dog bark at his reflection for 10 min and thought of how much of a retard he

funny sayings 2013 12 06

  • Last night I was lying in bed talking to Siri, asking him to wake me up in the morning and to remind me of a couple of things. He said something funny and laughed. Then I realized it: I'm dating my phone.
  • A mother was trying to explain to her son about the miracle of chanukah but the kid didn't understand, So she told him, imageine you charge your iPhone and it lasts you 8 d

funny sayings 2013 12 03

  • If one night a big fat man jumps in your window grabs you and puts you in a sack, don't worry. I told santa I wanted you for Christmas.
  • Diapers and politicians should be changed often both for the same reason.
  • Sometimes one middle finger isn't enough to let someone know how you feel. That's why you have two hands.
  • Dear people who update their Facebo

funny sayings 2013 12 02

  • If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards...it's actually about a magical boat that saves people.
  • Dear Santa, what I want for Christmas is... your list with names of naughty girls.
  • The awkward moment, when Usain Bolt runs faster than your internet connection.
  • My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came

funny sayings 2013 11 29

  • Save the earth, it's the only planet with chocolate.
  • 25 things you may not know about me.. 37) I don't know how to count.
  • Once in a lifetime, Hanukkah meets thanksgiving, THANKSGIVUKKAH. November 28,2013.
  • Happy Hanukkah to a Jew who celebrates Christmas...
  • My Hanukkah wish is to be in a relationship that lasts longer than eight days.

funny sayings 2013 11 27

  • The only thing that could stop me from taking selfies is a photo of what I look like taking selfies.
  • Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.
  • The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.
  • If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be t

funny sayings 2013 11 25

  • Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
  • Home is where the WIFI connects automatically.
  • What matters most in life are quotes and stuff that tell you what life is really about.
  • Women are like internet viruses they enter your life, scan your pocket, edit your mind, download their problems, delete your smile...
  • end of funny sayings 201

funny sayings 2013 11 22

  • Being a guy after sex is like transforming back from being a werewolf. "Why am I so tired... and naked.."
  • After almost 5 years, I just received full and final confirmation, and can now have this conversation...
  • Stranger: hi, what's you name? me: Stephen. Stranger: oh, is that Stephen with a 'ph'? me: actually it's Stephen with a PhD. totally worth it.


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