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funny sayings 2010 05 07 p10


Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.


This is it. I've reached the pinnacle of

funny sayings 2010 05 07 p1


A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor.

Don't give a woman advice. One should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girl

funny short sayings 2010 05 06 p5


To All You Virgins, Thanks For Nothing.


If At First You Don't Succeed ... Blame Someone Else ... And Seek Counseling.

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit.


I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.


You! Out Of The Gene Pool!


Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.


How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before

funny short sayings 2010 05 06 p6


Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".


If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.


Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.


You looked better on myspace.



How about never ...Is never good for you?


DARE To Keep Your Cat Off Catnip.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.


Everyday I beat my own previous record for th

funny short sayings 2010 05 06 p7

You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.


The Earth Is Full --- Go Home.

Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch.


Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!


I am the Evil Twin.

I'm Bi-Sexual. Whenever I Want Sex I Have To Buy It.


Your Proctologist Called... They Found Your Head.


Skinny Girls Are for Wimps.


Hello... I'm a

funny short sayings 2010 05 06 p8


Honk If Anything Falls Off.


Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.



Remember Folks --- Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed For 70 mph.


Guys --- No Shirt, No Service; Gals --- No Shirt, No Charge. [Reported To Be Seen On A Restaurant]



Life is hard... It's even harder when you're stupid.


It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.


This is NOT an abandon

funny short sayings 2010 05 06 p9

Ax Me 'bout Ebonics.


Body By Nautilus --- Brain By Mattel.


I want a senstivie man, one who will cry when I leave him.


SORRY I Don't Date Outside My Species.


This bumper sticker is just hiding a dent.


It's Never Too Late to Mutate.


Karaoke bars, where people who shouldn't drink meet people who shouldn't sing.


Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly.

funny short sayings 2010 05 06 p10



You're so boring, if you threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back to you!


My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.


College students. We drink more beer before 9:00 a.m. than most people drink all day!


If I wanted to hear from an asshole I'd fart.


If you are not a hemorrhoid then get off my ass!


If you don't like my atti

funny short sayings 2010 05 06 p11


Yes, it's my truck, and NO, I won't help you move.


Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.


Stop Honking I'm trying to make a phone call.

Put Your Big Girl Panties On.


On Your Mark, Get Set... GO AWAY !!


Save the ta tas !!


Will trade brother for video games.


Daddy Farted, and we Can't get out!!


Did the aliens forget to remove your anal prob

funny short sayings 2010 05 06 p12


Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.


My other bumper sticker is funny.


My other car is a broom.


Rehab is for quitters.


Jesus loves you, but I'm his favorite.


On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.


God must love stupid people. He made SO many of them.


Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I did a little shopping.


Friends help you move.

funny short sayings 2010 05 06 p13


Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.


Being a crabby bitch is just part of my charm.



Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.


Beauty is only a few beers away.


Jesus saves. He uses double coupons.


If you can read this, I've lost the trailer.


Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once.


If you want

funny short sayings 2010 05 06 p14


What Would BUDDHA Do?


I'm single again :-)



I feel like a pelican. No matter which way I turn there's always a huge bill in front of me.


Real Programmers Don't Document


Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."


The easiest way to get rich is to start your own religion.

My other car is also a piece of junk.


Work harder!! Millions on welfare are depending


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