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funny sayings 2013 02 21

  • Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
  • If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can't get in without a Costco membership card.
  • "I'd be a horrible mother. Mainly becauase I'm still scared of the dark. You can't be a

funny sayings 2013 02 07

  • Boys may go in and out of my life but food will always please me :)
  • So in an idiotic attempt to try and get my woman back, I decided to snap my Halo 4 disk in half. Haha...What the freakin hell kind of fantasy land did I go to that day? Now I'm womanless and Haloless! SO STUPID!
  • I read recipes the same way I read science fictions. I get to the end and I think...

funny sayings 2013 01 31

  • Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up.
  • Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.
  • Can't we give Lance Armstrong a break? I tried riding a bike once on drugs. If anything it was a lot harder. I was in a hedge within seconds.
  • Every girl's dream is to have a guy cal

funny sayings 2013 01 24

  • I left 3 notes scattered around the house earlier for my girlfriend. They said "will", "you", "me". That will keep her busy while I watch sports.
  • If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49 today. If you purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG, you would have $33. If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman brothers, you would have $0 t

funny sayings 2013 01 17

  • If you had to take a shot for everybody you had sex with, would you be Fine, Tipsy, Drunk or Dead?
  • My boyfriend is such a badass when he trash talks on Call of Duty! Said no girl ever.
  • Didn't have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 15 books and showered.
  • Carpet Alarm Clock. Forces you

funny sayings 2013 01 10

  • Grandpa--"When I was a boy, Mom would send down to the corner store with $1 and I would get 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, some cheese and 6 eggs. You can't do that now. Too many f**king security cameras!"
  • Kim Kardashian reported she hadn't experienced any nausea or vomiting yet. That's because the rest of the world is doing it for her.

funny sayings 2013 01 03

  • A chemistry lab is like a big party, some drop acid , others drop the base.
  • Google to Maps, is like NASA to space. Apple was like North Korea trying to launch a rocket and getting excited beause it barely made it.
  • Love means never having to say anything because you are both looking at your smart phone.
  • Christmas, it is time for children to learn a va

funny sayings 2012 12 27

  • Q.(1) How do you know Santa has to be a man? Ans. No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.
  • Q.(2) Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? Ans. You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
  • Q.(3) What do monkeys sing at Christmas ? Ans. Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.. !
  • Q.(4) What did the big candle sa

funny sayings 2012 12 20

  • My new favourite thing to do when I pull up at lights is to see if the person next to me is looking down at their phone. If they are I wait a bit then slowly edge forward like I was about to take off. I haven't cause an accident yet, but I'm getting better.
  • Coffee keeps me going until it's acceptable to drink wine.
  • Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words wi

funny sayings 2012 12 13

collection of humorous funny sayings of this week:
  • If I ever get to become a professor of anything math related, I will sometime make an exam in which all the answers are 42. This way I get to see my students freak out like hell and at the same time make it true that 42 is the answer to everything. I get to kill two birds with one stone.
  • I saw some girl texting and driving

funny sayings 2012 12 06

  • If someday we all go to prison for downloading music, I just hope they split us by the music genre.
  • True friends won't pick rainbow road in Mario Kart.
  • Good friends don't let you do stupid things ... alone.
  • Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
  • I stopped fighting my inner demons. We are on the same side n

funny sayings 2012 11 29

  • When a woman is pregnant, all of her friends come up to her, touch her belly and say "Congrats." However no one goes up to the guy, touches his penis and says "Job well done." Moral of the story. Hard work is never appreciated, only results matter.
  • When my mother was pregnant with me she got busted for possession of life with intent to distribute.
  • You got


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