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funny sayings 2013 06 13

  • Friends don't let friends clap on one and three
  • Welcome to Organic Chemistry, where questions like 'Where do you keep your chloroform?" are no longer suspicious.
  • My new facebook status: [Status only available for Facebook Gold account holders].
  • When girls are pregnant how do there belly's get big if there baby eats everything they eat? I thought the baby s

funny sayings 2013 06 11

  • Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.
  • Don't be silly, wrap your willy.
  • Cover your stump before you hump.
  • If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.
  • Don't be a loner, cover your boner.
  • You can't go wrong, if you cover your dong.
  • House your noodle then release your strudel.
  • Don't make a mistake, cover your snake.

funny sayings 2013 06 07

  • I am not sexist. Sexism is wrong and being wrong is for women.
  • That awkward moment when the mother of the screaming kid in the shopping center hears you say 'just kill it.'
  • If you can't handle me at my lindsay lohan then you don't deserve me at my beyonce.
  • Why I wear sunglasses at the beach: Because I can't look at boobs when the sun's in my eyes.

funny sayings 2013 06 03

funny sayings 2013 06 03
  • Baby, you are like a white dwarf star, extremely hot but not very bright.
  • Did you know it takes 462 different muscles to dig a hole deep enough that the police will never find out what you did ?
  • The world's shortest horror story is only two sentences long: "The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock at the door." Actu

funny sayings 2013 05 25

funny sayings 2013 05 25
  • If there's one thing I can NEVER understand, it's the covers they put on textbooks. "Gentlemen, how can we best create a cover that accurately displays the core concepts of chemistry and summarizes the contents of the subject material?" "Let's put a guy with a surfboard on it." "F**king brilliant, Jim."
  • There are no limits to what you can accompli

funny sayings 2013 05 24

  • Went for a run today and was disrupted by a small group of children who thought it would be funny to run 2m ahead of me screaming as though being chased...Making me appear to passers-by like some sort of sweaty pedophile...
  • Our kids will never know the terror of calling a crush and having a parent answer the phone.
  • You know your baldness has gone to a new level w

funny sayings 2013 05 23

  • Son, if you can't say something nice, say something clever but devastating.
  • Boss asked me why I was in the bathroom for 30 minutes. Instead of admitting I was on Facebook, I panicked and said "time flies when you're having fun".
  • On a scale of 1-10, how much do you love me? 3.2, I love you more than pi.
  • I'm so sick of people thinking they can just w

funny sayings 2013 05 16

  • Make all the answers 'true', and all the students lose their minds.
  • Did you know? An average four-year old child asks 437 questions a day.
  • Freshman year: I'm going to have a 4.0; Senior year: C's get degrees.
  • No matter how big and bad you are, when a two year old hands you a toy phone. You answer it.
  • I want to headbang, but I wear glasse

funny sayings 2013 05 09

  • To the being in the heaven that grants my wishes: When I'm complaining about being bored while driving through Kansas, do not answer my request for "something entertaining to see" with two cows getting it on in a field.
  • Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
  • All this news about Amanda Bynes is heartbreaking. I just hope she doesn't end up in court, becau

funny sayings 2013 05 02

  • Do not be so hasty to deal out death and judgement, for even the wisest cannot see all ends.
  • Name a country without the letter 'A' in it.
  • Treat mom to a margarita this mother's day! Remember you're the reason she drinks.
  • That glorious moment after a date... when you can finally release the fart you've been harboring.
  • Today in World Progres

funny sayings 2013 04 25

  • Things I hate : 1) Vandalism 2) Irony 3) Lists.
  • So I was in the bus with this granny by my side when we spotted two girls kissing by the bus stop. The granny turned to me and said "these girls are so pretty, at their age I was pretty ugly. Well, maybe that's why I had to marry a man..."
  • What state is Canada in ?
  • Every book you have ever read is ju

funny sayings 2013 04 18

  • Tell her you already got her something and have her guess what it is. She'll probably list some thing she's been wanting.
  • You know your neighbors have a good sense of humor when 1) they own a lifesize velociraptor and 2) they push it up to their next door neighbor's window during the night.
  • I think its weird that we can see the sun the the moon but we can't see t

funny sayings 2013 04 11

  • An old woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you" ... Her husband asks, "Is that you, or the wine talking?" ... She replies, "It's me... talking to the wine."
  • Every time I see someone use the initials HP, I automatically think they're referring to Harry


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