funny sayings

If oranges smell like chicken, why are tomatoes blue? Think about it!


The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it.


Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Guns don't kill people… but they make it real easy.


He's not dead… he's electroencephalographically challenged.



============funny sayings about man , gun, death, smile, stu

Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. ‘No’ is the answer.

The future isn’t what it used to be.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.


There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.


Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

It’s people that give drinking a bad name.

======================funny sayings about M

"Former President George W. Bush’s new memoir has already sold 800,000 copies. In other news, the new Bush presidential library just purchased its first 800,000 books." –Conan O’Brien



"In a ranking of 35 cities, by ‘Travel and Leisure’ magazine — Los Angeles finished second to last in intelligence. All I can say, thank god for Washington, D.C. Thank god for Washington, D.C." –Jay Leno

* “A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors. Rather chilling.” —Stephen Fry

* Guys: No Shirt, No Service Gals: No Shirt, No Charge


* Clones are people two.

* A religious war is like children fighting over who has the strongest imaginary friend.

* “A bargain is something you cannot use at

* Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free.

* The only job you start at the top is digging a hole.


* “The one time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it’s holding a parking ticket.” —Unknown

* know I’m paranoid, but am I paranoid enough? –Tom Clancy.

* A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.

* I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t care.

"Oh, and did you know this is fraud awareness week? Fraud awareness week comes the week after the election when people realize the person they elected is a huge fraud." –Jay Leno


"Obama says India is one of our most important trading partners. We give them our jobs and they give us . . . Wait, what do we get?" –Jay Leno


"George W. Bush’s memoir is out today. And the guy is apparently qu

Roses are red; violets are blue; God made me pretty; what happened to you?

Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.

TOLIET CAMERA IS FOR RESEARCH USE ONLY

God will forgive me. That’s his job, after all.

Better to be forgotten than sued.

----------------------funny god sayings 2010.-----------------------------

If its not broken fix it till it is.

The future isn’t wha

“Okay, so God made man first, but doesn’t everyone make a rough draft before they make a masterpiece?”—Courtney Huston

A gentleman is a patient wolf.

Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him.

A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.

OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO

=========funny man sayings 2010 11 22========

“I occasionally get birthday cards fr

* WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

* "A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be." —Unknown


* Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now!


================funny sayings 2010 11 09================


* Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.

* Save water – take a bath with your neighbor’s daughter.


*

* You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

* If he were alive today, he'd turn over in his grave.

* Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.

* How do you expect me to ignore you when you’re never around?

=========================funny life sayings 2010 ===========================

* The reward of a thing well done is to have done i

* I’m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I’m perfect.

* God made us brothers, but Prozac made us friends.

* “Remember the good old days when a juvenile delinquent was a boy who played the saxophone too loud?”—Unknown

====funny life sayings 2010 10 25====================

* If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

* In the dark I hold your hand, because in the light you look

Don't let worries kill you , let the church help.


If you don't love GOD, go to hell.



It takes a lot of faith to be an Atheist.



Don't be so open-min