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funny witicisms sayings 2010 03 11 p2

Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Those who have guinea pigs never have to throw out any vegetables.


If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

If you wear a silly hat, everyone knows who you are.

Never turn your back on a

funny witicisms sayings 2010 03 11 p3

Shooting yourself in the foot is actually a lot less fun than nearly anything else.

The more you understand, the crazier you get.

Don't believe everything you read in comic books.

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

This isn't burger king, you can't have it your way.


Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in

funny witicisms sayings 2010 03 11 p1

The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.

House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

Remember half the people you know are below average.

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

If you think things can't get worse

funny sayings of wisdom 2010 03 10 p1

Exaggeration is not all it's cracked up to be.

Cooperation can only be reached if we work together.

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement
Bloom where you planted - Mary Englebreit

All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien

It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out, it's the grain of sand in your shoe.

funny sayings of wisdom 2010 03 10 p2

They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel. - Carl W. Buechner

Better bend than break. - Carl W. Buechner

"People that know everything are usually never listened to." - Curtis D. Tucker

Prejudiced people are all alike.
There is never time to do it right, but there is always time to do it over. - Carl W. Buechner

You've got a lot of choices. If ge

funny sayings of wisdom 2010 03 10 p3

Remember, if you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns! - Allison Gappa Bottke

Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it.

Sometimes it's more important to be human, than to have good taste. - Brecht

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface.



If at first you don't succeed, then sk

funny sayings for weddings 2010 03 09 p1

The most dangerous food is wedding cake.

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house. Author: Jean Kerr

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. ~Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints, 1966

Any married man should forget his mistakes

funny sayings for weddings 2010 03 09 p2

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ~Rita Rudner

Marriage is an Athenic weaving together of families, of two souls with their individual fates and destinies, of time and eternity--everyday life married to the timeless mysteries of the so


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