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funny sayings 2013 05 16

  • Make all the answers 'true', and all the students lose their minds.
  • Did you know? An average four-year old child asks 437 questions a day.
  • Freshman year: I'm going to have a 4.0; Senior year: C's get degrees.
  • No matter how big and bad you are, when a two year old hands you a toy phone. You answer it.
  • I want to headbang, but I wear glasse

funny sayings 2013 05 09

  • To the being in the heaven that grants my wishes: When I'm complaining about being bored while driving through Kansas, do not answer my request for "something entertaining to see" with two cows getting it on in a field.
  • Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
  • All this news about Amanda Bynes is heartbreaking. I just hope she doesn't end up in court, becau

funny sayings 2013 05 02

  • Do not be so hasty to deal out death and judgement, for even the wisest cannot see all ends.
  • Name a country without the letter 'A' in it.
  • Treat mom to a margarita this mother's day! Remember you're the reason she drinks.
  • That glorious moment after a date... when you can finally release the fart you've been harboring.
  • Today in World Progres

funny sayings 2013 04 25

  • Things I hate : 1) Vandalism 2) Irony 3) Lists.
  • So I was in the bus with this granny by my side when we spotted two girls kissing by the bus stop. The granny turned to me and said "these girls are so pretty, at their age I was pretty ugly. Well, maybe that's why I had to marry a man..."
  • What state is Canada in ?
  • Every book you have ever read is ju

funny sayings 2013 04 18

  • Tell her you already got her something and have her guess what it is. She'll probably list some thing she's been wanting.
  • You know your neighbors have a good sense of humor when 1) they own a lifesize velociraptor and 2) they push it up to their next door neighbor's window during the night.
  • I think its weird that we can see the sun the the moon but we can't see t

funny sayings 2013 04 11

  • An old woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you" ... Her husband asks, "Is that you, or the wine talking?" ... She replies, "It's me... talking to the wine."
  • Every time I see someone use the initials HP, I automatically think they're referring to Harry

funny sayings 2013 04 04

  • What is 666? The number of the beast.
  • What is 668? The number of the beast's next-door neighbor.
  • What is 666.00000? The high-precision number of the beast. And 0.666 is the millibeast.
  • What is 665.95? The retail price of the beast, and $699.25 is the price with sales tax, though you can get the beast at Wal-Mart for just $606.66
  • I'm going

funny sayings 2013 03 28

  • I glance at the tv and the first thing I see is the program title at the bottom of the screen: "A New Pope". My mind immediately jumped to the thought of a Catholic retelling of Star Wars Episode IV.
  • It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. Clearly, there is room for more wine.
  • Got to the Starbucks drive-thru counter and was told that my coffe

funny sayings 2013 03 21

  • Alcohol may not solve your problems, but neither will water or milk.
  • The founder of Match.com, Gary Kremen, lost his girlfriend to a man she met on Match.com
  • Today I sent out a text saying "Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it ?". 12 people called me. I think I need some smarter friends..
  • Googling your symptoms when you don't feel well is the most e

funny sayings and quotes 2013 03 14

  • Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing that privilege.
  • My Phone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" and I sent it anyways.
  • Life is what happens to you while you are looking at your smartphone.
  • Can pregnant people use the car pool lane?
  • When someone says "He's a good guy once you get to know him".

funny sayings 2013 03 07

  • I once gave a girl a bloody fake ear in a Tiffany jewlery box with a letter that said, "will you Gogh to prom with me". Yeah, I guess I'm a romantic.
  • Just got shot twice, and by someone I thought I could trust. You never expect a nurse to do that to you.
  • The key to a long relationship: keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
  • Women don't want to

Yo Mama is so Fat... Jokes!

  • Yo mama is so fat that her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.
  • Yo mama is so fat that when she was diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave her ten years to live.
  • Yo mama is so fat that the National Weather Service names each one of her farts.
  • Yo mama is so fat that when she wears a yellow raincoat, people yell "taxi!"


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